Gettin' More Comfortable

My mom was right when she told me it would be easier to become friends with all the guys on the team this time around. On the drive down here, I told her I was a little bummed I was leaving Bismarck right when I was starting to come out of my shell with the guys there. Last week was a little bit of a tough week for me. I felt like everyone was watching my every move in practice, hoping I would make a mistake. They probably were. I was the new kid that didn't know anybody, and all the kids on the team were already good buddies. I think that affected my play in practice last week because it threw off my mental game. After this weekend, though, I think I gained a lot of respect. I went out there and battled with these guys, and I think they realize now that I'm their teammate, not just the new kid. They're already calling me Teddy, and I've definitely started to come out of my shell a little bit. Now that I'm getting more comfortable, I think I can really start to focus on my game and not what everyone else is thinking about me. I know I will just continue to get better in practice in the next few weeks, and I think as my confidence grows, I'll see myself get much better in games too.

Finally!

This weekend, I played two full games and got a lot of ice time. I think it was like a tryout for me. I played OK on Friday night. I was really nervous, but I just kept telling myself that I belong here in this league. I tried to boost myself with a lot of positive thinking. I made some good plays, some good passes, but I made one very bad mistake and gave up a goal. We lost 5-0, but I don't think the score dictates how hard we played or how well we played. It was a much closer game than the scoreboard read. The pucks just didn't bounce our way. I was a little disappointed with the game I played on Friday night because I know I can play better than that. I think the nerves and just the fact that it was really my first game in the NAHL combined to make it sort of a tough game for me. I don't think I played bad, but I know I could've played better.

On Saturday night, I bounced back and had a really good game. I just played solid. I made some very good passes and played a really smart game. I wasn't as nervous on Saturday, and I was determined to fix my mistakes and prove that I can play on this team. I used my long stick to get in passing and shooting lanes in the defensive zone, made some good passes in the neutral zone, and played conservatively, but smart in the offensive zone, taking a few shots. I used my body in the corners, and I think I made some really good passes to get things started in the defensive zone. Again, the bounces didn't go our way; our team took a few inopportune penalties, and we couldn't put the puck in the net. We lost 3-1, but our effort was there. I really think the game could've gone either way. We had a chance to make a statement against a first-place Texas Tornado team, but we came up a little short this weekend. I think we were definitely close, but we have to bear down, bury our chances, and limit our mental mistakes to compete with the best teams in this league every weekend.

After the game, Coach walked by me and said, "Much better tonight." I think I played a lot better on Saturday too. I think I will only continue to get better as I get more confident and experience more game situations. I'm going to talk to Coach this week and hear more about how he thinks I played. I'm really excited I finally got to play, though. I know I have a lot more to work on in the next few months, and I'm not going to shy away from the workload. I'm confident that I am here for a reason and that I can be a difference maker on this team. It's not just my mind telling me positive thoughts anymore. I really do belong in this league.

I played again tonight. I think I played really well even though we lost. Last night I had a few tough breaks but I was nervous. Tonight I think I had a really solid game.

I'm playing tonight!

Hittin' the Road

Tonight, we leave to play the Texas Tornado this weekend. I think I had a good day of practice today, even though I ended up "winning" the Bender Bucket at the end of practice today. It's a competition where everyone takes their turn on breakaways, and the last one to score gets the Bender Bucket and has to wear it during the pregame skate. I have an excuse, though, because my stick broke on my first turn, and the rest of the time I had to use my backup, which I wasn't very used to...but I'm still the Bender of the week. No excuses.

I'm starting to get over my nerves and just play my game. I still really believe that I can make a difference here right away, and I know I have a great opportunity to prove myself this weekend. No pressure, though. I am going to play well because I know I can, and I'm going to do my best to not put pressure on myself because that's when I tend to crack and make mistakes. I have to realize that I'm going to make mistakes, and I am just going to go out there and play like I have nothing to lose. Because I really don't in the grand scheme of things. Again, I know that I have a lot more things going for me than just hockey, and I know I can play with these guys.

Settling In

There is the view from my house. It's good to be back near mountains.

I'm getting more comfortable, but I think it's going to take a little time. It's a big deal for an 18 year old to move across the country so suddenly. I'm living with a brand new family, trying to meet an all new team, adjusting to a different climate (I've had a few bloody noses from the altitude since getting here), and trying to have the coach down here in New Mexico notice me in a good way. At least I have hockey as the common denominator, though. That's the great thing about playing any sport. Once I get on the ice, I feel like nothing else matters. Right now I'm playing a little tentatively, which I think is expected and natural. But I think I will settle in. From what I've seen, I really think I can make a difference down here pretty immediately. I just need to play my game out on the ice. Looking back on the two practices I've had, I think I've played very nervously actually, but I've done some good things also. I have to get the mentality that I'm the best on the ice, and then I do great. When I'm worried about making mistakes, I make mistakes. Somehow, I have to get over that worrying and have a good practice tomorrow. It's going to be a short week before we go to play the Texas Tornado this weekend, and I need to show this coach what I'm made of.

I had a good night with my billets tonight. It was my first dinner with the family, and we talked for a long time. They're very excited that I'm an O.A.R. fan; my billet dad and I talked for a long time about how similar our music tastes are. I'm really excited about living here. I played around with the boys before dinner, and when I was sitting on the couch, the oldest brother said to me, "I hope you don't get traded." It was funny at the time because their last billet brother was traded, but it made me realize that I really need to prove myself here or I could be gone before I know it. That's just the life of junior hockey, but I'm confident that I can play on this team, and I'm going to make it happen.

What a Weekend!

I remember a week ago, Zach Badalamenti, who had also moved from the Bismarck team to the New Mexico Mustangs, asked me when I was going to get out of Bismarck. I told him, “I don’t think I’ll leave. I’m going to keep working hard and try to play here. I think my chance will come.” It’s pretty funny how quickly things change. Once this opportunity was opened for me, though, it was a no-brainer. This is the right move for me: I think I will get to play and experience game situations, I’m much closer to home—my family will be able to drive a short 6 hours to come see me play—and I think the coach here in New Mexico will be able to help me a lot in my development.

On Friday morning, I had made my decision that I wanted to leave. I went in and talked to Coach, said my goodbyes, and went home and packed all of my belongings in my car. It took me about an hour to pack, and then I was ready to hit the road. I just wanted to get out of Bismarck. I loved my time there, and I love all the guys I met, but it’s time for me to start playing, and I was a little frustrated I didn’t get a chance there in Bismarck. I think I deserved one. Maybe I hurried out of there because I wanted to take some of my anger out on the road. That probably explains the speeding ticket I got less than 2 hours into my 18 hour drive…But I will never forget the experience I had there, and I think it will provide me with some motivation as I keep following my dream.

After I packed up in Bismarck, I drove about 11 hours straight by myself. I slammed two Mona Vie energy drinks, which I got from Bunny and Gary, my billet family in Bismarck, and made my way to Denver. I think I stopped about 4 times, ate in the car, and kept the pedal to the metal all the way. I sang my little heart out all the way through South Dakota and Wyoming, thinking the whole time about this great opportunity that I have. I know I didn’t need to hurry, but I was determined to make it to Boulder to stay in my best buddy, Stephen's, dorm room. I finally got there at about 12:30 in the morning, and it was definitely worth the long haul. I got to see some of my best friends from high school and my best buds, which was a long overdue reunion. We caught up on their college experiences and just had some good, quality bro time. I needed that. It was a well-deserved mental break to hang out with my best bros and just bro out. The next morning, I went with Bergen to see the campus of Denver University, and I had an awesome time meeting some of his friends and just living the college life for a day. He said he can’t wait to see me in a DU uniform. And, hey, it could happen. I just have to keep my work ethic up, and I think anything I want to happen could happen because of the doors I’ve opened for myself off the ice.

On Saturday afternoon, I met my mom in Denver, and we headed out for Albuquerque. Mom and I had some good, quality momma-son time on the 6 or 7 hour drive from Denver to Albuquerque, which I definitely need as well. There’s nothing quite like seeing Mom for the first time in a while, and she definitely helped calm my nerves. As we got further into the drive, I started to get more and more nervous about everything going on. I sort of had a nervous breakdown and kept telling her I thought I lost my phone charger and my half shield for my helmet, but I think that was just to get my mind off of how nervous I actually was about coming to a new team. Of course my mom found those two things 5 minutes after we got to the hotel in Albuquerque. Moms are so good at finding things when they’re lost; I don’t know how they do it. But she kept telling me how excited she is for me, and how she thinks this is the best thing for me to do also. I get a fresh start to prove myself, and it’s just good to know my family is backing me all the way, like they always have.

Mom and I made it for the 3rd period of the game on Saturday night, and on Sunday, I moved into my billet’s house, then we went to the see the Sunday night game. It was great to see the team play and just visualize myself out there. I honestly think I can make a difference here, and I can’t even express how excited I am. My billets are a very nice couple, with two young boys, who, I can tell already, are going to keep me on my toes. It’s going to be fun living here. I think I’m going to love it.

Today, I dropped the rest of my stuff off at my billet’s house, and then I took my mom to the airport. It’s always hard to say bye to Mom, but it’s also nice to hear how excited she is for me. She thinks very highly of the coach here, who made us feel very welcome this weekend, and she just has a good feeling about all of this. And when Mom feels good about it, I feel even better about it. I had my first practice at 2:30. It’s difficult coming into a practice with a new coach and all new kids, but I think I did fine. I was very anxious to finally get on the ice after 3 days of driving. It’s been a while since I’ve gone 3 days without skating. I’m ready to have a good week of practice, though, and I think the coach is really excited about having me here.

After practice, I went to work out with Zach Badalamenti, and we tried to get after it just like we did in Bismarck. Zach told me he thinks the off-ice program here is a lot worse than in Bismarck, which bums me out, but I will keep working hard off the ice, just like I did in Bismarck. And I’ll be able to draw from some of the workouts we had at Healthways in Bismarck…

As you can tell from the novel I just wrote, I’m unbelievably excited about what’s going on. I have a great chance to prove myself here all over again. It’s going to be fun. It’s time to prove some people wrong and make some people regret letting a kid like me go. I know I could have helped the team in Bismarck, but it’s their loss, and, personally, I think they’re losing a pretty special kid.