Looking Back on the Past Few Months and Looking Forward to the Summer

What a whirlwind. One minute, I think for sure I'm heading off to Middlebury for college, and the next, I realize my dream and decide to take a completely different path. You can imagine how hard of a choice it was for me, but in the end, I know it is the right path for me to take. I need to see for myself what I can do when I focus completely, 100% on the sport I love. I've never given myself an opportunity to do so, and people have told me that the sky is the limit for what I can do with hockey. It hasn't hurt that I've put myself in a very good position to succeed with what I've done off the ice as well. I take pride in the fact that the past 4 years of my life haven't been dedicated to hockey because I've been able to do so many awesome things with my life that some hockey players miss out on. Now, though, it's time for me to focus on hockey. I'm starting to really believe in myself after seeing that I can play with some of the best kids in the country. I have a little catching up to do, but I'm up for the task, and I've never been more hungry for a challenge.

After both of these tryouts, I can finally take a deep breath. With graduation and everything leading up to these tryouts, I never really had a chance to catch my breath, but now I can look back on all I've gone through in such a short amount of time. My life changed before me in a blur. Everyone who knows me remembers how excited I was to be going to Middlebury. It was the only place I wanted to go for college, in fact, the only school I applied to. Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket. Something serious was going to have to happen to persuade me not to go to Middlebury to play hockey. And it did. Looking back, I'm very surprised that I decided to defer from Middlebury, and I don't think I am the only person who was surprised with my decision, although I, myself, may have been the most surprised out of anybody. I'm the kind of person who doesn't change his mind very easily, and Middlebury seemed like a perfect fit for me. Turns out, it wasn't. I had to look very deep within myself to realize that my dream has always been to play Division I college hockey, and I can't thank Jason enough for seeing that hunger, that drive to be the best I can be in me, and helping persuade me to give my hockey career a chance.

I keep saying that deferring from Middlebury was a hard decision. And it was the hardest decision I have ever made. Looking back, though, once I got a taste of hockey at a high level, once I saw the kids on the Indiana Ice and how good they were, how committed they were, and how serious they were about hockey, I knew that I wanted to be a hockey player. My mom called me after my first practice with the Ice back in March and asked, "So is that something you think you wanna do?" I remember saying matter-of-factly, "Yes." The hard part was not deciding, but going through with the whole process of deferring. It made me grow up, and now I know I am stronger for what I've gone through, stronger for actually realizing what my dream was before it was too late. A lot of kids just let their dreams go by the wayside because it becomes too hard, or takes up too much time to be a rockstar or an actor, but I couldn't be happier that I'm at least giving my dream a shot. I even thought that it was too late to follow my dream. I told Jason I thought so. But after going to these tryouts in the last few weeks, I am confident that I can catch up and maybe even surpass these kids with my abilities if I put in the work. I'm not that far behind, and I may actually be ahead already because of what I've done off the ice...

For now, I only have one thing to worry about this summer: getting ready for next year. I am going to work as hard as possible to make myself the best I can be before the start of the season this fall. I've set up a shooting range in my garage, and I will continue to work out at Dogma as hard as I can to make sure that I can be a difference-maker on whatever team I am on next year. I keep saying "whatever team I am on" because I'm wary about telling myself I will be on the Bobcats. I want to put in the work just like all the other kids before main camp in August to give myself the best chance to make the team. Nothing is guaranteed.

However unusual the path I am taking is, or however offended some people were that I have decided to do what I'm doing, I know it is the right choice for me, and that's the most important thing. It came down to the fact that I didn't want to sit around as an old fart and wonder if I could have gone further with my hockey career. Now, I am taking risks so I can know that I didn't sell myself short. Now, it's just a matter of me putting in the effort, and I have no doubt that I will do what it takes for me to succeed.