Lighten Up a Little

I'm pretty hard on myself. I worry about small things a little too much, and I think that's translating into me being kind of hesitant on the ice. I'm definitely getting more comfortable and confident, but I don't think I'm playing hockey like I know I can yet. I know I've made a pretty big jump from high school hockey in Colorado to junior hockey, and I think I'm doing really well with it so far, but I think I can do even better. I still think I'm improving daily, and it's really fun to see and feel myself getting better. I don't think there is a better feeling.

The team participated in No Shave November together. It was fun, but I'm glad it's over. I realized it's a good way to be easier on myself. When I screw up in practice, I can just think, "Hey, don't worry about it. You have a mustache on your face. Lighten up." It sort of helps me laugh at myself even when I'm mad at myself for missing a pass or screwing up in a drill. I think I will probably shave it off though. I'm comfortable enough now at practice that I can shake off the mistakes that I make and learn from them. But I'll remember the mustache trick if I ever need to use it again.

We leave for Fresno, California tomorrow. We play two games against the Monsters, and it's going to be a good test for us because they aren't in our division. I'm excited for the long road trip with the team, and I think my brother's even going to try to make it to at least one of the games because he goes to school at Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo.

Good Day

I had a pretty good day of practice. I worked hard. After practice, Coach pulled me aside and showed me some drills he wants me to work on. I was gassed when I was done working with him. It made me realize how much I need to work on my agility and footwork. But I think it's a good thing he's taking time to work with me. I'm going to keep working on the things he showed me over the next few weeks.

I just got done with my second rookie dinner of the year. This one was fun, just like Bismarck's, but it was also much cheaper, which I liked. It only cost me 6 bucks because there are only 4 vets here. But it was fun to go to dinner with the guys--er, I don't know if I can call them that because we all had to dress up like girls--but either way it was fun. There was a fashion show during halftime of the Monday Night Football game, which I didn't win, and I'm happy I didn't win. I take pride in the fact that I don't actually look like a girl when I'm dressed up as one.

But I'm excited to get on the ice again tomorrow. I'm definitely starting to get in a rhythm, and I think it's showing that I'm getting more confident even though I know I still have a lot to work on.

Control What You Can Control

I didn't play again tonight. We won 8-6 in a pretty wild game. I figured I wasn't going to play again tonight because we won last night, and I didn't think the lineup would change because of that. Still, I was sort of hoping I would. I had my grandparents, parents, and sister here to watch me, and I'm a little bummed I didn't play while they were here. But at the same time, I want to play because I deserve to play, not just because I want to play. They loved being here to see me over Thanksgiving, and it would have been a bonus for them to see me play, but now I have to work this week to try to earn a spot. I'm happy I got to see them, but now I'm ready to get back to work and focus on just hockey.

It is always hard to be a scratch. No one likes it, especially when your team wins. Watching your team win is a little harder than watching your team lose. Of course I'm happy the team won these two games, but it's just natural to wish that I was out there with them. It's definitely hard to prepare to play in games and then hear that you're not playing. It's a major letdown, but that's why I'm going to learn a lesson from this weekend. I want to have a really good week of practice and prove that I can help this team.

I read a book called The Fearless Mind by Craig Manning to sort of help me out with the mental side of all this, and it actually helps a lot. It says, "When we delve into other people's business excessively, we open the door to irrelevant stimuli that only serve to lower our ability to function in productive, efficient ways. This energy would be far better channeled into what we can do to improve our performance...we can only be responsible for what we have control over." I have to only worry about the things I can control. I'm ready to put this weekend behind me and have a good week of practice this week.

Learning Every Day

I didn't play last night for the military appreciation night. We had camouflage jerseys on, and it was a pretty cool deal. After the game was over, all the game-worn jerseys were auctioned off and all the proceeds went to the Wounded Warrior Foundation. I think we raised about 5,000 dollars, maybe more, because most of the jerseys went for about 300 dollars. One jersey went for $550, but mine only went for $210. But I did get a jersey, which is exciting, and it had my name on it too. We ended up winning the game 4-3. It was a really good game, where I think we had the majority of the chances. It looked like we were going to have another game that we outplay the other team in and lose, but in the 3rd period, we scored 3 goals to win the game 4-3. We never gave up; I just wish I was out there.

But even when I'm not out there, I'm trying to take away as much as I can from the game. I try to put myself in other players' situations, and think about what I would do differently or the same as them, and I try to see what others do wrong, so if I get in the same situation, I can make the right play. I don't pout about not playing because I know it's part of junior hockey to sit out some games, but at the same time, it makes me want to work harder to make Coach want to play me every game.

I have a lot to be thankful for today. And I'm going to enjoy today with my family, eat a lot of food, and then start preparing myself for the games this weekend. I'm excited.

Learning to Battle

Today was a really fun day of practice. We did a lot of battle drills, with one-on-one, two-on-two, and three-on-three competitions. I love these days because every drill keeps me on my toes. And every drill, I have to give it my all or risk being embarrassed in front of the whole team. I think you really see who the competitors are on days like this. I'm learning to battle like I've never had to in my whole hockey career. It's really fun to get out there and compete against my teammates because it gets me ready for game situations, where I have to battle for every inch and for every puck. These days are also good because they bring the team together. We're out there competing against each other, but it's a lot of fun to have competitions between the forwards and defensemen, which, of course, the D-men always win. Defensemen are the better, smarter hockey players after all.

My family's coming into town tonight for Thanksgiving. It should be really fun to see my sister, parents, and grandparents and it should be even more fun to play in front of them. We play the Wichita Falls Wildcats this weekend, and it's our military appreciation weekend, so we're wearing special camouflage uniforms that will be auctioned off after the game on Saturday night. I'm going to try to be a tour guide for my family this weekend, but I'm still pretty new to the area also, so I'll do my best.

On a side note, I got featured in an article here in the local newspaper. The link to it is: http://www.rrobserver.com/sports/article_b78d57fa-f78f-11df-8b60-001cc4c03286.html

After our last game against Corpus Christi, as I was walking into the locker room, a newspaper guy asked me if I was Connor Tedstrom and if he could use some of my blog in an article. I said, "Yeah, sure." I think it's pretty cool. It can't hurt to have people know what I'm going through and to separate myself from that "dumb hockey player" stereotype.

Back At It

We had 3 days off since our last game. The days went by really fast, but it was a good break. I got to see my parents and show them around a little bit on Friday and Saturday. And it was really fun getting to play in front of them and have them meet all the guys on the team after the game. I got to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, which I've been dying to see for months, we did some community service on Saturday for the food drive here in town, and I got to hang out with some of the guys on Sunday and Monday. I didn't really take the days completely off because I still went to the gym with Zach, but I think it was a good break, and now I'm ready to get back on the ice today.

Can't Buy a Win, But We Gotta Believe

I can't tell you how happy I am that I came here from Bismarck. I believe in myself more and more every day, I believe in the coach here, and I believe in my teammates playing beside me. We dropped another 2-1 game to Corpus Christi, but our effort was there, our hearts were really in it, and I think everyone watching could tell that we wanted so badly to win these games this weekend. We ran into a hot goalie, and the puck just didn't bounce our way. We had so many more chances than the Ice Rays; to be honest, I can't believe we only scored 1 goal in both games. Personally, I thought I played really well tonight. I didn't do anything unbelievable, but I just played a solid game. I made some good, patient passes in our defensive zone, I played with confidence and stood up when I needed to, and I stayed positive and vocal on the bench even when my name wasn't called. I have to remember what this feels like because if I can approach every game the way I approached the game tonight, I know good things will happen for me. I tried not to put too much pressure on myself. I kept reminding myself that I belong here, and that the kids I am playing against are just that: kids, just like me. They're no better than me just because they've played AAA hockey their whole lives. They're no better than me because I only played high school hockey in Colorado for 4 years. I know I can be a great player when I don't let my mind tell me otherwise. I'm tired of holding myself back mentally when I know what I can do on the ice. I'm getting better every day, and I want to be the best I can be for myself and for this team, but it comes down to believing in myself. It's hard at times, but I'm figuring it out.

Tonight, I didn't hold back at all. Like I said, I think I played a solid game. I had fun, and I didn't worry about making mistakes. I was confident in what I had to do, and I don't think I hesitated when I had to make a quick decision. It's a bummer that the end result was not what we were looking for, but we're so close, and we have to stay patient and believe in ourselves. Things will turn around if we stay true to the team.

After the game, Coach came into the locker room and gave a speech that I don't think I'll ever forget. He came in and told us not to hang our heads. We skated our asses off tonight, and that's all he can ask for. He told us about his juniors team, which had a 4 game road trip, and lost by a differential of 42 goals. Then, after Christmas, they went on a roll. He said what we're going through is not bad. At least we are giving our best every night, and that's all he wants us to do. We can't give up on ourselves or each other; we have to stay patient and believe in our systems and our coaches to help us get better every day. He said we are getting better every time we step on the ice, and we have to believe we can turn our season around if we persevere. He told us about his 17 surgeries in his playing days, and how he never, ever gave up, even when he wasn't half the player he was when he started. We are all young, and we have so much to look forward to in our lives and our hockey careers, but we have to believe in ourselves. He told us that he believes in us, that he turned down other jobs because he believes in us and this organization, and that he will not quit on us if we don't quit on ourselves. We're a team, and we're going to get through these hard times with hard work and a strong belief.

The talk after the game really inspired me. It made me want to put it on the line for this coach, for this organization, and for my teammates. I'm going to continue working as hard as I can to be the best hockey player I can be because I believe in myself, and I believe in where I'm headed.

It Takes a Team

Tough loss last night. We lost 2-1. We played hard, but the bottom line is that we didn't get it done, and it was a must-win game. Something's not there, but I can't put my finger on what it is. I feel like we have all the ingredients for a good team: strong, vocal leaders, fast, skilled forwards, smart defensemen, pretty physical players, hard workers. It doesn't matter, though, what kind of players there are on a team if we can't win games. I can tell that everyone wants to win, but we're just not doing everything it takes to win a hockey game. I really feel like we were the better team last night, but there were a few, small mental mistakes that they turned into goals, one of them was partly my fault, and we couldn't bury our chances. I don't know exactly what we have to do to break through, but I can tell that we're so close to being a good team. I thought I played pretty well last night—a little hesitant still at times—but I don't think that matters when the team doesn't get the W. I made some good plays, and I made some mistakes; I should've stepped up and played the body one time, and it cost us a penalty. I wish I could've done more to help the team get a win. We hear it all the time: team success brings about individual success. More college scouts will be around if we start winning games. It takes a team, though. We win and lose as a team. But it's definitely more fun when the team is winning. We need to have a winning mentality as a team.

Think Like You're the Best and You Will Be

Tomorrow night is the first game in a two game home set against the Corpus Christi Ice Rays. I haven't played at home yet, so I'm very excited, and my parents are making the trip down on Friday. We're excited as a team to try and get off the losing side of games; if we win both games this weekend, we will be in front of Corpus Christi in the standings. That's the motivation for this weekend. Personally, I'm just excited to prove myself. I kind of had a letdown last weekend when I got kicked out of the only game I played in, but I'm ready to come out and show that I can play and make an impact this weekend. I've had a pretty good week of practice, and I'm just excited to get back out on the ice. Every shift matters at this level, and I'm ready to focus on every little play I make this weekend. I know when I get in the zone and play with confidence, I can make great plays, but I have to play smart every time I step on the ice.

Last weekend, I read a quote by Jim Harbaugh when I was reading a Sports Illustrated article on the two brothers, John and Jim Harbaugh, who are both very successful football coaches. Jim always asks his players what they think it takes to succeed at the next level. His players usually answer with things like "hard work" and "talent." But he thinks a lot of people are talented, and a lot of people work hard. He says, "The one thing you have to do to make an NFL team is take another man's job away from him. And those men really like those jobs." It's a pretty inspirational article, and I could definitely relate to it because I think my relationship with my brother is similar to Jim and John Harbaugh's. I need to start playing like I'm better than people. Because I know I can be. But I feel like I'm just too nice sometimes. Especially coming onto a new team, it's hard to break onto the team and gain the coach's confidence right away. And I feel like I've subconsciously accepted that I'm the new guy, and it might take a while for me to be that top defenseman that I think I can be. Well, that's not the right attitude to have. I have to think like I'm the best to play like I'm the best. And I'm going to work on that starting ASAP.

That's Junior Hockey For Ya

Here are my past 3 weekends: 1.) Leave Bismarck, drive 18 hours to get to Rio Rancho, New Mexico, 2.) Leave Rio Rancho, drive 12 hours to get to Frisco, Texas, take on the Texas Tornado in a two game set, get on the bus, drive 12 hours back to Rio Rancho, 3.) Leave Rio Rancho, drive 14 hours to Topeka, Kansas, take on the Topeka Roadrunners in a two game set, but I really didn't play a whole game, get on the bus, drive 15 hours back to Rio Rancho. That's a lot of time on the road, but I love it! And there has been a lot going on other than the weekends! It feels like I've been here in Rio Rancho for maybe 3 days, but I've already been here almost 3 weeks! There's a new challenge every day, and every day seems to fly by. I'm really learning the importance of taking care of my body because I put it under a lot of pressure every week: practices every day, workouts 3 times a week, and 2 games a weekend can be very tiring, especially when the road trips are so long. I will already be going home for Christmas in a month...can't believe it.

A lot has happened since the season started, and I can't wait to see what happens the rest of the season. I can feel that I am getting better, but, really, I have yet to prove myself. I'm still very driven. I'm not going to let a sense of entitlement creep in now that I've started playing. I've only played in 3 games in the NAHL. Well, 4 if I count the one game I played in Bismarck...But I'm so hungry to prove that I can play. I don't know how many people could actually survive what I'm doing mentally or physically. It's definitely a lot to handle, but I love it so far, and I know it will just continue to go by fast. I only have one year left after this year because I'm a '91 birth year. One of the vets I have a lot of respect for here in New Mexico said in a team meeting last week, "We're doing something that like 800 other kids in the country are doing. You don't get games back after you play them. We have to realize that this experience doesn't last forever, I mean this is my last year." He said, "We're missing out on other things in life right now, but I'm fine with that because I'm chasing my dream." And that's what I'm doing. Chasing my dream. I have a lot of time left to prove myself, almost a year and a half, but I think I need to start playing with the kind of passion that our vets play with, like it's their last game every game. I need to stop being afraid and just play. I feel like I am starting to play my game more and more every day. I'm getting more comfortable. I realize it's a process, though, and I have to be patient. It'll come in time; I can feel it coming. Every day is about getting better and proving yourself at this level, and I'm pushing myself as hard as I can.

Good Learning Experience, Not a Good Weekend

The drive to Topeka is like 13 hours. I'm not sure how long it really is because I was sleeping or in my bunk for the majority of the time. I had a lot of time to think about the weekend on the way there, and I was so ready to play well in the two games. I ended up not playing on Friday, and on Saturday, I was ejected from the game in the first period. Towards the end of the first period on Saturday, there was a scrum in front of our net after our goalie covered the puck. A few fights broke out, and I got in the middle of things a little bit. Then, I saw my teammate on the ice getting punched by a Topeka player. He had his jersey pulled over his head, so I went in to pull the Topeka player off of him because the refs weren't doing anything about it, and I wasn't going to let him punch my teammate who was pretty defenseless at this point. I didn't have any idea it was something I was going to get ejected for, or I would've thrown a few punches myself. I went back to the bench after the refs broke everything up. Then, all of a sudden, the refs put another goal on the scoreboard for Topeka, making it 2-0, and I was told that I was being ejected from the game for being the 3rd man into a fight. It was a load of crap, honestly, because the puck didn't go in the net from what I could tell, and I was standing pretty much in the crease, and because I didn't even throw any punches and I was ejected from the game. I was just trying to protect my teammate.

I thought I was playing really well up until my game ejection, so it really sucks that I was kicked out. I was playing with confidence, and I could tell I was going to have a very good game. But then it got cut short. I guess it's part of the game, though. The 3rd man into a fight always gets a penalty, but it was something I had to do. I was in the locker room and Coach told me, "Teddy, I know it sucks, but you did the right thing. Sometimes stuff like that happens." On the bench, the assistant coach was telling me that I should've gone in earlier, and as long as I was getting a game ejection, I should've broken the kid's nose. Well, I didn't know I was going to get ejected. But now I know that's what happens to the 3rd man in. And now I know the next time something like that happens to one of my teammates, I'm going to do things differently, and maybe break a few bones. It just sucks really bad because I thought I could've helped the team last night, and I only got to play 4 shifts all weekend. And it sucks even more that the team went 0-2. I spent a lot of time preparing myself to play my best on Friday and Saturday, and I ended up having one of the shortest games of my life. I guess there's some more motivation to have a stellar week this week in practice and to have an awesome weekend next weekend.

We ended up losing 6-3. It made the bus ride home that much longer. And it was already a long one for me because I had another 13, 14 hours to think about what I should've done differently, what I could've done in the game if I didn't get ejected, and what I will do next weekend. The team is so close to winning some games. I can feel it. We put forth a lot of effort; we just have some mental lapses, like right after the other team scores. And that should be the time where we're the strongest. I think we can turn things around, but we need to play a full 60 minutes. I'm going to try to have the best week of practice of my life this week because I want to get out on the ice so much more after this weekend.

It's always hard to sit out and watch your team play. But on the bright side I've already played more here than I did in Bismarck; Coach asked Zach and I how many games we played in Bismarck jokingly after he talked to us when we found out we were scratched. I know we're in a better situation here. I've already learned more in 2 weeks. I'm going to refocus for tomorrow and come out ready to play at my best.

I'm not playing tonight. Coach just told me, but it's so much better to hear why i'm not playing. He told me that he wants me to focus on learning his systems. He said he's happy with the way i'm playing. That i'm improving every day and that i should be ready to go tomorrow night. I think it's just part of playing juniors to sit out some games.

Big Weekend

This weekend, we're headed to Topeka, Kansas to play the Topeka Roadrunners. We leave tomorrow night because it's about a 15 hour drive from here. It's a huge weekend for us because we need to get out of this rut we're in, and Topeka is another good test. I think I had a good week of practice even though it was a short week, and I'm ready for this weekend. One thing that Coach said last weekend that really struck home to me is that at this level, every shift—every play—matters. Someone will capitalize on your mistakes if you make them. And I learned that pretty firsthand last weekend in my first game as a Mustang. I made one mistake that led to a goal that was almost completely my fault. I didn't like that. I rebounded the next game and had what I thought was a really solid game. But I have to remember that I can't take any shifts off. I need to be mentally sharp all weekend. Last year, I could take some shifts off, even some games off because I was the best player on the ice every time we played. This year, though, is much different than last year, and I have to think about everything I'm doing out on the ice. I love it! It's challenging, but I'm always up for a challenge, and I can feel myself still getting better by the day. I guess the only way you learn is by making mistakes. I know I will make mistakes, but I have to be mentally sharp to try to limit my mistakes, and limit the mistakes I make to be minor mistakes. I'm excited for the challenges that are coming this weekend, and I can't wait to get out under the lights again!

Still Improving

Every day, I'm getting better. That was my goal when I chose to live this life, and I knew I could do it if I put my mind to it. I knew coming into this year that I had a lot of work to do, and that it might not be easy, but I've been committed to making myself better. I can really tell that I'm getting better every day. And when I can see myself getting better by the day, I wonder what people like my parents are going to think when they haven't seen me play in months, at least in person. I'm really excited about how much I'm improving. I love getting on the ice every day and working to become a better hockey player. Hard work really does pay off. And there's nothing more fun than seeing yourself improve in something you love. But I need to keep working because I know I can still get a lot better. Every day.

Gettin' More Comfortable

My mom was right when she told me it would be easier to become friends with all the guys on the team this time around. On the drive down here, I told her I was a little bummed I was leaving Bismarck right when I was starting to come out of my shell with the guys there. Last week was a little bit of a tough week for me. I felt like everyone was watching my every move in practice, hoping I would make a mistake. They probably were. I was the new kid that didn't know anybody, and all the kids on the team were already good buddies. I think that affected my play in practice last week because it threw off my mental game. After this weekend, though, I think I gained a lot of respect. I went out there and battled with these guys, and I think they realize now that I'm their teammate, not just the new kid. They're already calling me Teddy, and I've definitely started to come out of my shell a little bit. Now that I'm getting more comfortable, I think I can really start to focus on my game and not what everyone else is thinking about me. I know I will just continue to get better in practice in the next few weeks, and I think as my confidence grows, I'll see myself get much better in games too.

Finally!

This weekend, I played two full games and got a lot of ice time. I think it was like a tryout for me. I played OK on Friday night. I was really nervous, but I just kept telling myself that I belong here in this league. I tried to boost myself with a lot of positive thinking. I made some good plays, some good passes, but I made one very bad mistake and gave up a goal. We lost 5-0, but I don't think the score dictates how hard we played or how well we played. It was a much closer game than the scoreboard read. The pucks just didn't bounce our way. I was a little disappointed with the game I played on Friday night because I know I can play better than that. I think the nerves and just the fact that it was really my first game in the NAHL combined to make it sort of a tough game for me. I don't think I played bad, but I know I could've played better.

On Saturday night, I bounced back and had a really good game. I just played solid. I made some very good passes and played a really smart game. I wasn't as nervous on Saturday, and I was determined to fix my mistakes and prove that I can play on this team. I used my long stick to get in passing and shooting lanes in the defensive zone, made some good passes in the neutral zone, and played conservatively, but smart in the offensive zone, taking a few shots. I used my body in the corners, and I think I made some really good passes to get things started in the defensive zone. Again, the bounces didn't go our way; our team took a few inopportune penalties, and we couldn't put the puck in the net. We lost 3-1, but our effort was there. I really think the game could've gone either way. We had a chance to make a statement against a first-place Texas Tornado team, but we came up a little short this weekend. I think we were definitely close, but we have to bear down, bury our chances, and limit our mental mistakes to compete with the best teams in this league every weekend.

After the game, Coach walked by me and said, "Much better tonight." I think I played a lot better on Saturday too. I think I will only continue to get better as I get more confident and experience more game situations. I'm going to talk to Coach this week and hear more about how he thinks I played. I'm really excited I finally got to play, though. I know I have a lot more to work on in the next few months, and I'm not going to shy away from the workload. I'm confident that I am here for a reason and that I can be a difference maker on this team. It's not just my mind telling me positive thoughts anymore. I really do belong in this league.

I played again tonight. I think I played really well even though we lost. Last night I had a few tough breaks but I was nervous. Tonight I think I had a really solid game.

I'm playing tonight!

Hittin' the Road

Tonight, we leave to play the Texas Tornado this weekend. I think I had a good day of practice today, even though I ended up "winning" the Bender Bucket at the end of practice today. It's a competition where everyone takes their turn on breakaways, and the last one to score gets the Bender Bucket and has to wear it during the pregame skate. I have an excuse, though, because my stick broke on my first turn, and the rest of the time I had to use my backup, which I wasn't very used to...but I'm still the Bender of the week. No excuses.

I'm starting to get over my nerves and just play my game. I still really believe that I can make a difference here right away, and I know I have a great opportunity to prove myself this weekend. No pressure, though. I am going to play well because I know I can, and I'm going to do my best to not put pressure on myself because that's when I tend to crack and make mistakes. I have to realize that I'm going to make mistakes, and I am just going to go out there and play like I have nothing to lose. Because I really don't in the grand scheme of things. Again, I know that I have a lot more things going for me than just hockey, and I know I can play with these guys.

Settling In

There is the view from my house. It's good to be back near mountains.

I'm getting more comfortable, but I think it's going to take a little time. It's a big deal for an 18 year old to move across the country so suddenly. I'm living with a brand new family, trying to meet an all new team, adjusting to a different climate (I've had a few bloody noses from the altitude since getting here), and trying to have the coach down here in New Mexico notice me in a good way. At least I have hockey as the common denominator, though. That's the great thing about playing any sport. Once I get on the ice, I feel like nothing else matters. Right now I'm playing a little tentatively, which I think is expected and natural. But I think I will settle in. From what I've seen, I really think I can make a difference down here pretty immediately. I just need to play my game out on the ice. Looking back on the two practices I've had, I think I've played very nervously actually, but I've done some good things also. I have to get the mentality that I'm the best on the ice, and then I do great. When I'm worried about making mistakes, I make mistakes. Somehow, I have to get over that worrying and have a good practice tomorrow. It's going to be a short week before we go to play the Texas Tornado this weekend, and I need to show this coach what I'm made of.

I had a good night with my billets tonight. It was my first dinner with the family, and we talked for a long time. They're very excited that I'm an O.A.R. fan; my billet dad and I talked for a long time about how similar our music tastes are. I'm really excited about living here. I played around with the boys before dinner, and when I was sitting on the couch, the oldest brother said to me, "I hope you don't get traded." It was funny at the time because their last billet brother was traded, but it made me realize that I really need to prove myself here or I could be gone before I know it. That's just the life of junior hockey, but I'm confident that I can play on this team, and I'm going to make it happen.

What a Weekend!

I remember a week ago, Zach Badalamenti, who had also moved from the Bismarck team to the New Mexico Mustangs, asked me when I was going to get out of Bismarck. I told him, “I don’t think I’ll leave. I’m going to keep working hard and try to play here. I think my chance will come.” It’s pretty funny how quickly things change. Once this opportunity was opened for me, though, it was a no-brainer. This is the right move for me: I think I will get to play and experience game situations, I’m much closer to home—my family will be able to drive a short 6 hours to come see me play—and I think the coach here in New Mexico will be able to help me a lot in my development.

On Friday morning, I had made my decision that I wanted to leave. I went in and talked to Coach, said my goodbyes, and went home and packed all of my belongings in my car. It took me about an hour to pack, and then I was ready to hit the road. I just wanted to get out of Bismarck. I loved my time there, and I love all the guys I met, but it’s time for me to start playing, and I was a little frustrated I didn’t get a chance there in Bismarck. I think I deserved one. Maybe I hurried out of there because I wanted to take some of my anger out on the road. That probably explains the speeding ticket I got less than 2 hours into my 18 hour drive…But I will never forget the experience I had there, and I think it will provide me with some motivation as I keep following my dream.

After I packed up in Bismarck, I drove about 11 hours straight by myself. I slammed two Mona Vie energy drinks, which I got from Bunny and Gary, my billet family in Bismarck, and made my way to Denver. I think I stopped about 4 times, ate in the car, and kept the pedal to the metal all the way. I sang my little heart out all the way through South Dakota and Wyoming, thinking the whole time about this great opportunity that I have. I know I didn’t need to hurry, but I was determined to make it to Boulder to stay in my best buddy, Stephen's, dorm room. I finally got there at about 12:30 in the morning, and it was definitely worth the long haul. I got to see some of my best friends from high school and my best buds, which was a long overdue reunion. We caught up on their college experiences and just had some good, quality bro time. I needed that. It was a well-deserved mental break to hang out with my best bros and just bro out. The next morning, I went with Bergen to see the campus of Denver University, and I had an awesome time meeting some of his friends and just living the college life for a day. He said he can’t wait to see me in a DU uniform. And, hey, it could happen. I just have to keep my work ethic up, and I think anything I want to happen could happen because of the doors I’ve opened for myself off the ice.

On Saturday afternoon, I met my mom in Denver, and we headed out for Albuquerque. Mom and I had some good, quality momma-son time on the 6 or 7 hour drive from Denver to Albuquerque, which I definitely need as well. There’s nothing quite like seeing Mom for the first time in a while, and she definitely helped calm my nerves. As we got further into the drive, I started to get more and more nervous about everything going on. I sort of had a nervous breakdown and kept telling her I thought I lost my phone charger and my half shield for my helmet, but I think that was just to get my mind off of how nervous I actually was about coming to a new team. Of course my mom found those two things 5 minutes after we got to the hotel in Albuquerque. Moms are so good at finding things when they’re lost; I don’t know how they do it. But she kept telling me how excited she is for me, and how she thinks this is the best thing for me to do also. I get a fresh start to prove myself, and it’s just good to know my family is backing me all the way, like they always have.

Mom and I made it for the 3rd period of the game on Saturday night, and on Sunday, I moved into my billet’s house, then we went to the see the Sunday night game. It was great to see the team play and just visualize myself out there. I honestly think I can make a difference here, and I can’t even express how excited I am. My billets are a very nice couple, with two young boys, who, I can tell already, are going to keep me on my toes. It’s going to be fun living here. I think I’m going to love it.

Today, I dropped the rest of my stuff off at my billet’s house, and then I took my mom to the airport. It’s always hard to say bye to Mom, but it’s also nice to hear how excited she is for me. She thinks very highly of the coach here, who made us feel very welcome this weekend, and she just has a good feeling about all of this. And when Mom feels good about it, I feel even better about it. I had my first practice at 2:30. It’s difficult coming into a practice with a new coach and all new kids, but I think I did fine. I was very anxious to finally get on the ice after 3 days of driving. It’s been a while since I’ve gone 3 days without skating. I’m ready to have a good week of practice, though, and I think the coach is really excited about having me here.

After practice, I went to work out with Zach Badalamenti, and we tried to get after it just like we did in Bismarck. Zach told me he thinks the off-ice program here is a lot worse than in Bismarck, which bums me out, but I will keep working hard off the ice, just like I did in Bismarck. And I’ll be able to draw from some of the workouts we had at Healthways in Bismarck…

As you can tell from the novel I just wrote, I’m unbelievably excited about what’s going on. I have a great chance to prove myself here all over again. It’s going to be fun. It’s time to prove some people wrong and make some people regret letting a kid like me go. I know I could have helped the team in Bismarck, but it’s their loss, and, personally, I think they’re losing a pretty special kid.