Last night our bus broke down about 80 miles outside of Vegas, turning a 5 hour trip from Bakersfield into a 10 hour trip. It was a long day on the bus, but it was pretty fun being with the whole team. When we finally got into Vegas, I pretty much just went to bed. I was exhausted, and today I'm enjoying the day off and resting. We have today off and then tomorrow we start practicing for the rest of the week.

But it's something I can really work on and take care of with smart play. I've never weighed as much as I do now. I gained 20 or 25 pounds since last hockey season, and my body's just getting used to lugging around all this weight. I think if I keep working on it, I can make it a strength because I don't think there are a lot of big guys with the same athletic ability that I have. We're on our way back to Vegas now, and we spend 5 days there before we head to Long Beach next weekend for another 3 game set.

I played well the past two nights. I didn't do anything flashy, but I think, for the most part, I did my job. Of course I still made some small mistakes; everyone does. I think, though, that I'm really learning how to think, not just play and hope I'm doing something right. I'm learning to think and make decisions for different situations that occur in any game. To be a good defenseman, you don't have to be flashy or rack up the points even though everyone likes to get points. It's all about decision making, taking care of the puck, and getting the puck to the forwards. And I'm learning that and doing better with it every game. One thing that I've realized is my footwork and quickness is probably my biggest weakness.

Think Better

Bottom line is I need to think better. I make some good good plays during games, but I also make some plays that aren't so good. I want to eliminate the bad plays that are caused by my poor thinking. Defensemen should be the smartest ones on the ice, and when a defenseman makes a bad mistake, it's much more noticeable than when a forward makes a bad mistake. Even though we won tonight 5-1, I am still not playing as well as I would like to. I'm making too many mistakes. But I'm learning and trying to learn from all the mistakes I make. And I can tell that I am learning. When I get pulled over by the coaches about a mistake I made in the game, most times now I know what I did wrong. I'm trying to fix my mistakes and become better. I think I am being a little too hard on myself, though. I make a lot of good plays along with bad plays. Being inconsistent is part of learning. I need to work on my consistency, my quick thinking on the ice, and my positivity. I've found that when I'm positive on the bench and talking and energetic, that translates into my good play on the ice as well. When I'm quiet on the bench and on the ice, I usually don't play so well. It's pretty easy stuff to figure out, but sometimes it's hard to think about things like that in the course of a game. Two more games this weekend, and I'm going to focus on trying to eliminate my mistakes and stay positive with myself.

It's funny how I used to think a 3 hour trip to Colorado Springs was a long road trip. This year has made 2 hour bus rides seem very short. Here we go on a 10 day roadie to Cali.

Hittin' the Road

We're going to play the Bakersfield Jr. Condors this weekend in Bakersfield, California. Then, after this weekend, we're staying 5 days in Las Vegas, and then going to play in Long Beach the next weekend. We're gone for about 10 or 11 days in total, so it's going to be a long road trip. I'm excited though. How could I complain about 5 days in Vegas? I'm feeling ready to play, ready to get back on track. I just need to execute better, think on every shift, and never take a shift off. I know I can be a force at this level if I play smart hockey. I can make a huge impact if I use my brain out on the ice, like all the best defensemen in the game do. I'm excited for the road trip with the guys, though, and to challenge myself to do better in these next 6 games. The season is almost over, and this is when we have to be at our highest level to get ready for playoffs.

Just Do Your Thing

I'm ready to have a good week of practice. I think all last week, I was a little bit flustered and that might've affected my play more than I think. This week, I just need to focus. I think I'm one of those people who is just naturally a worrier, who thinks about every decision too much. Did I do the right thing? Will it affect my future? How will it affect my future? And sometimes with trains of thought like that, I just bring myself down, making my dream seem a lot farther away than it really is. I need to only worry about the things I need to worry about. And that's what I can do to make myself better. I need to focus on making myself a better hockey player, and that's really all I need to worry about. Everything else is out of my control. And really, if I take care of everything I need to take care of, I think everything else will fall into place for me. I need to work hard this week and just do my thing, try to eliminate all the negative thinking that is weighing me down and holding me back.

One of Those Weekends

We had 3 games against the Arizona Redhawks this weekend, the last place team in our division. We came out of the weekend with 3 wins, but to be honest we were very fortunate to make it out with 3 wins. Arizona put up a pretty good fight against us. Sometimes it's just hard to play games at your highest level, especially when you're playing teams you know you should beat. Subconsciously, you might not prepare yourself as well as you should, and I think teams definitely play at their best against us because they know they have to and everyone wants to beat the #1 team. Those games are always dangerous. But good teams get through them. We won all 3 games even though they might've been a little closer than we would've liked.

To be honest, I had a little bit of an off weekend. I felt like I was fighting the puck constantly. I think I had slow feet, and I wasn't thinking as well as I need to out on the ice. I made some poor decisions with the puck, when my job as a defenseman is to manage the game, get the puck to the forwards, and take care of the puck. I don't know what happened, but I didn't have my best 3 games this weekend. I had little glimmers of good plays, but the bottom line is that I did not play very well, and I need to play better, and I know I can play better. The coach here in Idaho has told me he's a coach who will point out mistakes more than anything. That's a good thing. That's how I get better. There are times when I will make a good play and know I made a good play, then I will come back to the bench, and I will hear that I made a good play, BUT I could've made a better play by doing something else. And there are also times when I know I made a bad play, and I come to the bench for answers about how I can fix my mistakes. I like it. I know I'm learning, and I'm trying to take in as much as I can, but sometimes I just don't make the right play. And it's frustrating when I make the wrong play. I think, though, the fact that the coaches here are teaching me so much means they care about me and believe in me.

Maybe I'm being a little too hard on myself, or I'm just becoming more of a perfectionist to make myself better, but I definitely know I can play better than I did this weekend. I made some good plays, I wasn't ever scored on, but I might've been scored on if we were playing a better team. I need to be more mentally tough. Hockey is such a mental game, and I need to get better at that part of it. I think sometimes I still make one mistake, then worry about making another mistake, so I make another one. It's just a bad cycle, and I can't let myself fall into that mental trap anymore. I have to be strong and confident and believe in myself because I am a good hockey player. Even though there are a lot of things I need to work on, here are some things I really want to focus on getting better at in these next few weeks: footwork, quickness, decision making with the puck, active stick, mental toughness. Part of being mentally tough is playing every shift with urgency. I can't give up, even when I'm tired. I need to stay focused here in these next few weeks, and really concentrate on the things I need to improve on to get better.

Lookin' Out for #1

I had a good few days to start out this week. I got called back up to New Mexico, but I don't think I'm ready to come yet. And I subconsciously knew that when I talked to the coach there. I just didn't say that to him directly. It's not that I don't want to be there, or that I don't want to play at the highest level that I can. I would love to go back there, but to be honest to myself, I think I need more time here in Idaho. I'm learning and getting better every day, but I still have a lot to work on; I know that, and I think the coaches in both New Mexico and Idaho know that.

Even though I think I've taken some steps forward here in the past 2 weeks, I know I'm still a very raw player. I have a lot to improve upon with my footwork, quickness, and my knowledge of the game in general. I have a lot of good things going for me as well, but even in games at the Tier III level here in Idaho, I'm making mistakes and getting beat, which tells me the most important thing for me right now is to play a lot, so I can learn from my mistakes and get better from them. And there wasn't really a guarantee that I would play a lot if I went back to New Mexico right now. It might take another week or another two weeks. I don't really know. But I want to be ready if and when the next call comes because I think if I get better on a few things, I can really make a difference anywhere I play. I don't want to go back to New Mexico and be a 6th or 7th defenseman. If I work on a few things, keep being a sponge, and take in everything I can, I really think I can go back there and be a difference maker, not a player who is in and out of the lineup every night.

Like I said in an earlier post, I'm tired of just being potential. And I'm finally in a place where I'm playing a lot and starting to reach some of my potential. It's exciting. That's why it was kind of a bittersweet feeling for me to get called up to New Mexico right now. Of course I want to move up to the NAHL again to play at the highest level I can, but I also want to make sure that I'm ready when I do, so I can keep moving forward. I was feeling very stressed yesterday after I talked to New Mexico because I didn't want to burn any bridges, and I felt like I might've. I really do want to be back there at some point, but I need to go at a time that's right for me, and I think the coaches here in Idaho and in New Mexico will help let me know when that time is. It could be sooner than later. I don't know. It depends on how much of a sponge I can be, and how fast I can learn things. At the end of the day, though, I need to do what is best for me, and I think, right now, the best thing is staying in Idaho for a little longer. But don't get me wrong. I want to be back in New Mexico at some point. I like the coach there and believe he can make me a better player, but I also like the coach here in Idaho and think he can make me a better player. I know I'm in good hands here, with two good coaches taking care of me.

Awesome Weekend

I played all three games this weekend against the Flyers, and I got an assist in each game. All three assists came from my shots from the point. I'm happy with the way I played. For the most part, I felt comfortable. I made some mistakes here and there, but I really think I played well this weekend. I played within myself, made passes, shot the puck, and did my job aside from a few small mental errors I had that never really hurt our team. I wasn't on the ice for any of their goals all weekend, but I could've been. In the last minute of the last game when we were up 4-3, I tried to keep the puck inside our offensive blue line, and I let a guy get behind me, and the puck squirted out behind me. I gave up a 2-on-1, and, luckily, they didn't score on it. Our goalie bailed me out, but it still was not a very good play. The thing is, though, that I haven't played in that kind of situation all year. This is only the 7th game I've played with the Steelheads, and it's the 14th game I've played all year, and in half of those games I played in limited situations. I'm still learning, still getting better, and I'm still going to make mistakes. But that's part of learning.

Besides that one serious mistake at the end of our 3rd game, I think I played really solidly this weekend. And it was fun having my mom around to watch too!

One more assist tonight. And I played pretty well. I was a little shaky at the start, I think because I'm just playing a little hesitant with all these new systems I'm learning. I settled in as the game went on but I know I can still play better. I played a smart game, though. We won 8 to 3 and I think I was +4 and wasn't on the ice for any of their goals. I think as a team we can play better. We need to eliminate our stupid mistakes, and defensively, especially when it's a blowout like tonight was, we need to focus on managing the game with smart plays and keeping the puck out of our net.

I'm Only Gonna Get Better

I'm pretty excited right now. I got an assist in our game tonight, which we won 3-1, and I played well. I played a smart game for the most part. I still made a few little mental errors, but nothing too serious. They are mistakes that I can correct pretty easily if I think about what I'm doing on the ice every shift, every play. I've learned so much in two weeks here, and it's pretty cool to see myself using the new things I've learned. Just little things like body position when I catch a D-to-D pass behind the net, finding the seams on the power play, and shooting the puck off the ice. I'm starting to use the things I learn, and that's just a cool feeling.

I got some power play and penalty kill time tonight, which was fun. I made some mistakes on both, but I'm learning, and I know I will only get better the more I play. Our second goal was a power play goal and I was at the top of the umbrella. I shot the puck about a foot off the ice and our team just crashed the net and pounded in the rebound. It's what we've been told our power play is all about: shoot the puck on net, and crash for the rebounds. On the penalty kill, I made a mistake because I gave up a 2-on-1, but I'm learning the new system, and it might take a little time for me to fully learn it and feel comfortable with it, but overall, I did fine on the PK also.

Two more games this weekend, and we can't let up. I have to refocus to have another good game tomorrow night. I'm starting to move in the right direction I think--I know I will only get better with more game experience--but I still need to approach every game as a big game. I can't take a shift off.

Ready for the Weekend

I had a good week of practice. I think I got better as the week went on, as I got more used to the drills. Like I said, I think it's hard to feel comfortable right away on a new team, but this is the 3rd new team I've been on this year, and it should be easier for me to acclimate here. I think also being around coaches who believe in me and who are excited to teach me has made me much more confident than I was in both Bismarck and New Mexico. I've been able to show my strengths much better than I did in both places before here. The coach here really likes my shot, and I think he's going to turn me into a completely different, much better hockey player. I've learned so much in only two weeks of practice. I think I did well this week in practice, but I think I can do better, and it starts this weekend. 3 games against the Valencia Flyers. We have 2 games (Friday and Saturday) up in McCall, a mountain town about 2 hours north, where we get a lot of support, and then on Sunday, we have a game at the Qwest Arena in downtown Boise. It should be a fun weekend, and I'm excited to finally play again!

Can't Look Back

I didn't get a chance in Bismarck. And my chance came and went in New Mexico. But that's OK. I can't look back because I know I'm a good player, and I know I'm in a good spot now. Sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to, but I can't let those things hold me back. I'm where I am now for a reason, and I need to take advantage of my chance here, now. It's been a long break without a game; I'm itching for the games this weekend. I'm anxious to get back out on the ice in a game because we had this past weekend off. This weekend we have 3 home games, and my mom is coming out to see them. I can't wait.

But I need to have a good rest of the week of practice first. Today, I didn't have my best day on the ice. I fumbled passes that I usually don't fumble, and my legs felt heavy. I just need to play and have fun on the ice, get excited about going to practice every day, and not worry about being perfect. I think today it was hard because we only had 7 defensemen, and we were doing pretty tiring drills. But that's what practices are like here. They run practices hard, and I might not be used to that yet. Also, I just didn't feel very good. I've been congested the past few days, and when my blood got pumping, I could hear it pound in my ears. The coaches were still very helpful on a lot of the drills, always pulling me aside to talk to me when I did something wrong, but I still need to do better tomorrow. At the end of practice, we worked on some power play, and I was on one of the top units. Coach wants me to fire the puck a lot. He likes my shot and wants to use it on the power play. I had a few really good shots during the power play work, and I had one awesome slap shot that was a foot off the ice and went in right off the post. Coach was pretty happy. And I was too. Now, I need to get some rest and come to the rink ready to practice tomorrow.

A Lot to Learn, But I'm a Fast Learner

Today, I think I learned more than I have all season. It was the first practice with our head coach back on the ice, who was vacationing in Hawaii. Pretty much after every drill I did, I was pulled to the side and told something that I need to improve upon. I need to have an active stick, work on transferring my weight when I pass, and lift my shot about a foot off the ice. I know I have a lot to work on, and now I'm convinced I'm in the right spot to improve. I was excited for the head coach to get back, and I can tell that both coaches here care about me, believe in me, and are very excited to work with me.

After practice, the coaches talked to me and said they are encouraged by my coachability. Everything they asked me to do, I did, and they told me in an hour I became a different defenseman, one who actually looks like he knows what he's doing on the ice. If I can learn and improve that much in one practice, I can't wait to see what I can do with more time with this coach. The thing I like most about being here is that the coaches talk to me regularly. I'm not just skating around cluelessly, wondering if I'm doing something right or not even knowing if I'm doing something wrong. I like how the coaches come up and talk to me one-on-one about things I can improve when I do something wrong, but I also like how they tell me positively.

Today, I did kind of run out of gas at the end of practice; I think, though, after a few practices, I will get my hockey legs back. I'm in good shape, but it's been a few weeks since I've practiced at such a high level, and I'm not even sure if the practices in Bismarck or New Mexico were this high-paced. I'm excited to be here, and I'm excited to learn and get better.

Valued Experience

Coming onto a new team mid-season is always sort of a stressful experience. There are new players, new coaches, new drills, new expectations. I think I'm in the feeling out phase right now. I played games with the Junior Steelheads before Christmas break, which makes things a little easier, but I'm still getting a hang of the drills and all. And sometimes I revert to my usual self and start thinking everyone is watching me, hoping for a mistake, and then I make a mistake. I just need to play hockey, play without over thinking. Because when I play my game, I play well. One thing I still need to work on, that was evident today, is my stick work. I need to have a more active stick. Because I am so tall, I have a long stick and it's one of my most important weapons; I just forget to use it sometimes. I have to play big because I am big. I don't know how many times people tell me how hard it is to get around me. The other day, a kid on this team said to me, "Trying to get around you is like trying to get around a wall." I just need to play with more confidence and, most importantly, have fun. I tend to be a little hard on myself at times, especially when I screw up once. And then I just dig myself into a hole with negative thoughts and it's hard to play well after that. Good news, though, is that this is the 3rd time I've been on a new team this year, so I should be getting used to coming onto new teams by now. I think I'll start to feel comfortable even faster this time around.

In reality, I've been doing really well these past few days of practice (even though I won the Bender Bucket yet again.) I guess I need to work on my shootout skills. But I think, mostly, I just cracked under the pressure because I felt like everyone was watching me, hoping I would win the Bender. I really think I can be an important part of this team, though. I may not bring touted scoring skills to the table, as evidenced by my poor shootout skills (did anyone see Stamkos eat it on his penalty shot the other day, by the way?) but I think I have other tools that I can use to help this team win, and I'm always eager to learn and get better. I think the coach here will be able to help me improve a lot, and I can't wait to see what happens.

I made kind of a cool realization the other day. I've had a taste of all three tiers of junior hockey this year. From the All-Star Game at the Indiana Ice main camp (Tier I), to playing with the Bismarck Bobcats and New Mexico Mustangs (Tier II), to now, with the Idaho Junior Steelheads (Tier III). I've seen what it takes to play at each level, and I've seen how fine the line is between all the levels. There really isn't that much of a difference. I think I have all the tools to succeed at any level I tell myself I can play at, but one thing I need to improve upon is my knowledge of the game. I need game experience, and I think until I get that, coaches will be confused as to what to do with me. That's why I need to play. I need to learn the game. Of course there are other things that I can improve upon as well, but those things will come in time also. I think it's definitely good for me to see all the tiers of junior hockey because it will only help me in the long run to know what it takes to play in the NAHL or USHL and to know how close I really am. My goals are still in reach, and I think I'm in a great place here in Boise. Every day I'm going to keep working hard, keep learning, and stay focused. It's all uphill from here.

Rollin' With the Punches

Someone told me the other day that it's a good thing I'm so flexible. I really didn't know for sure whether or not I would be coming to Boise or going back to New Mexico until probably the day before I left, and I didn't even talk to my coach in New Mexico personally until I was in Salt Lake City. But I try not to worry about the things I can't control. I just went with the flow. I was told to come to Boise because it would be the best thing for me, so I started driving. And three days later, here I am, sitting in Boise, Idaho, the land of potatoes. I had my first day of practice today, and it felt good to get back out on the ice, even though I am a little rusty and a little out of shape after two weeks off. But I think my hockey legs will come back pretty quickly.

I was feeling a little down earlier in the day, maybe because I was tired after practice, but I was just thinking to myself that it would be tough to learn a whole new city again, and then my negative thoughts kind of snowballed. This is my third city, my third team, my third billet family in one year. It's pretty crazy. But it's also nice to be wanted. Everywhere I've gone, I've had people who want me around, and now I have a lot of people who care about me as a hockey player and as a person, a lot of people who believe in me. So, I started looking at the positives, and now I feel great about where I am. My goals are still in reach if I go for them. I was telling my dad the other day, though, that I'm tired of just being potential. I want to start realizing some of my potential, and I think the only way I can do that is if I start to play consistently. I'm definitely in the right place to start reaching my potential. I'm playing for an amazing coach, and I'm playing on a good team. It's just up to me to maintain my work ethic and keep my positive attitude. I think the sky's the limit for me if I keep working hard. I'm excited about the chance I'm being given here. I think I can really make a difference on this team, and I can tell that I'm wanted. I may have also been wanted in Bismarck and New Mexico, but I wasn't playing consistently, and that's the most important thing. I'm happy with where I am, and I'm just trying to control the things I can control. It really doesn't matter where I'm playing, just that I'm playing, and just that I keep my work ethic up and my great attitude. I think things will start to turn around from here on out. I still have to put the work in to make myself better, though, and I think doors will open for me.

On the road again. Heading to Boise, Idaho.

Christmas Break Winding Down, Another Strange Twist

I've had an awesome time being home over Christmas break. I really needed to be home for a while, just to get away from the daily grind. But now I'm refreshed and ready to get back to work. I know I still have a lot of work left to do, and I'm anxious to get back out on the ice. I've definitely gotten the itch now, and it's been a little hard to be away from the game, even though I've had a great time seeing family and friends. It's awesome to hear from people who are following what I'm doing, and to talk to people who are interested in everything that I have going on. I've had a lot of fun skating with old friends, and I think I've shown people here that I've improved a lot in the past few months.

Tomorrow I'm driving to Boise, Idaho to play for the Idaho Junior Steelheads. It's another move for me, but I'm excited about it. The bottom line is that I need to play in games as much as I can to develop, and that wasn't happening in New Mexico. I was sitting out games, and I was in a dog fight with two or three other defensemen for consistent playing time. I'm going somewhere I can play, which is what both the New Mexico coach and the Idaho coach think I need. They think my development is being hurt by not playing every night. I think I'm in a good spot, though. I have a few coaches who believe in me and my potential, and who like having me around because of my attitude and work ethic. I've definitely been bouncing around this year, and my development might have been hurt by not playing much the first half of this year, but I've learned a lot, gotten a lot better, and made a name for myself everywhere I've gone with my hard work, positive attitude, and character. I could've looked at this move negatively and bogged myself down with negative thoughts, but I'm looking at this positively. I'm going to play for a very good coach, and I'm hopefully going to get to play a lot, which is what I need. I think if I'm playing for the right coach, and with everything else I have going for me, I will be able to open a lot of doors for myself. The Idaho coach has already had the head coach of Princeton call me, which was very cool. He said the Idaho coach is one of the only coaches in junior hockey that he trusts, and when he says he has a player, he believes him. I just need to develop a little more, and get some game experience. Plus, if New Mexico needs me some time this year, I'm only a flight away, but instead of sitting out games in New Mexico, I will be playing and learning more. I think it's the right move for me to go to Boise right now, and even though I'm going down to play at the Tier 3 level, my goals are still within reach. I need to stay positive and keep working hard like I have been all year, and I think I will excel once I start getting consistent playing time.