Lookin' Out for #1

I had a good few days to start out this week. I got called back up to New Mexico, but I don't think I'm ready to come yet. And I subconsciously knew that when I talked to the coach there. I just didn't say that to him directly. It's not that I don't want to be there, or that I don't want to play at the highest level that I can. I would love to go back there, but to be honest to myself, I think I need more time here in Idaho. I'm learning and getting better every day, but I still have a lot to work on; I know that, and I think the coaches in both New Mexico and Idaho know that.

Even though I think I've taken some steps forward here in the past 2 weeks, I know I'm still a very raw player. I have a lot to improve upon with my footwork, quickness, and my knowledge of the game in general. I have a lot of good things going for me as well, but even in games at the Tier III level here in Idaho, I'm making mistakes and getting beat, which tells me the most important thing for me right now is to play a lot, so I can learn from my mistakes and get better from them. And there wasn't really a guarantee that I would play a lot if I went back to New Mexico right now. It might take another week or another two weeks. I don't really know. But I want to be ready if and when the next call comes because I think if I get better on a few things, I can really make a difference anywhere I play. I don't want to go back to New Mexico and be a 6th or 7th defenseman. If I work on a few things, keep being a sponge, and take in everything I can, I really think I can go back there and be a difference maker, not a player who is in and out of the lineup every night.

Like I said in an earlier post, I'm tired of just being potential. And I'm finally in a place where I'm playing a lot and starting to reach some of my potential. It's exciting. That's why it was kind of a bittersweet feeling for me to get called up to New Mexico right now. Of course I want to move up to the NAHL again to play at the highest level I can, but I also want to make sure that I'm ready when I do, so I can keep moving forward. I was feeling very stressed yesterday after I talked to New Mexico because I didn't want to burn any bridges, and I felt like I might've. I really do want to be back there at some point, but I need to go at a time that's right for me, and I think the coaches here in Idaho and in New Mexico will help let me know when that time is. It could be sooner than later. I don't know. It depends on how much of a sponge I can be, and how fast I can learn things. At the end of the day, though, I need to do what is best for me, and I think, right now, the best thing is staying in Idaho for a little longer. But don't get me wrong. I want to be back in New Mexico at some point. I like the coach there and believe he can make me a better player, but I also like the coach here in Idaho and think he can make me a better player. I know I'm in good hands here, with two good coaches taking care of me.