Keep Truckin'

I didn't play again last night. We lost a pretty tight game 5-3 to the Amarillo Bulls. We definitely had chances to win the game, but a few costly mistakes kept us from getting back in it. It's so hard to stay positive when I'm not playing, and I feel like I deserve to be playing, but I'm taking everything in stride and trying not to absorb any negative energy, even when there are people all around me complaining and questioning the fact that they're not playing. I think I've probably sat more games than anyone on the team this year because I sat 13 straight or something like that in Bismarck, and I think I've probably complained the least. That's just the way I am. I might be upset at myself or contemplate why I'm not playing, but I don't think I let it show, and I definitely never open my mouth to complain because that's what gets most kids in trouble. I just work hard to try to play the next weekend and try to get better. That's really all I can control: my work ethic and my attitude. Everything else, I kind of just have to go with because it's in other people's hands.

I talked to the coaches last night after I found out I was scratched. Coach told me I probably deserve to be playing more than I am because I'm right there with 2 or 3 other defensemen on the team. But they're in a numbers game right now. He told me he loves my attitude and the fact that I don't complain about not playing, like a lot of kids do, and he knows I'm working my ass off. He said he wishes he could dress more defensemen every game, but he can only dress 6. He wants me to stay positive, and he wants me to know that he hasn't given up on me. He really thinks I can be a solid defenseman for his team if someone is injured or traded. I've learned in my first few months of junior hockey that things like that can happen very fast, and I need to stay patient. I'm in a good spot. Coach knows I'm getting better; he told me he sees improvement in my footwork and confidence, he sees me scoring more in drills in practice, and, again, he told me that he didn't want me to feel like he's giving up on me. He's dropping me down to a team at the Junior Tier III level for this next weekend because they're going to be tight for numbers again next weekend in Topeka, and he wants me to play. And I want to play. I wouldn't want to drive all the way to Topeka and not get to play in any games.

I'm looking on the bright side here. I think it will be good for me to go down and get to play for one of the best teams at the Tier III level. I think it will help me with my confidence, and I think it will make me hungrier to play more with the Mustangs when I come back. Again, I'm taking everything in stride, and I'll post more about what I'm doing when I find out more about what's going on.

Can't Be Satisfied

Yesterday, we had a pregame skate at 10 in the morning. Afterwards, Coach held back a few kids who weren't playing, and we had a little extra skate. It was really tough, but I think I did well. Still, for some reason, I don't think I'm playing hockey the way I know I can. Maybe I'm not as confident as I should be, maybe I'm holding myself back mentally, or maybe it's a combination of the two. I don't know, but I know I need to start taking risks. I think the speed of play at this level has slowed down enough for me that I can start to take risks and not worry so much about making mistakes. I need to be more physical, and I need to start making plays with the puck, not always just making the safe play.

I didn't play again last night, and it was a hard game to watch from the stands because we won in overtime. Of course, I'm always cheering for us to win, but at the same time, it's difficult to watch your team win like that and not be on the ice with them. It's so frustrating. I need to really start competing for a spot on the 20-man game roster. I don't like sitting in the stands, and I'm not satisfied with it. I need to start playing my game, and I think I need to start getting mad that I'm not playing.

It's All About Attitude

One of the most important things in life is to have a good attitude. Everything is made so much easier when you have a good outlook on things. In junior hockey, new faces come and go all the time, people wear down and give up because there is a lot of stress in this business. I know what it's like to feel that stress. I feel it every day. But I've learned the importance of being a team player and the importance of always having a good attitude in the last few days. We've had some drama on our team here in the past week, which I don't want to explain because everything I write is public, but it's been a learning experience to say the least. I think I've always been a good team player, I always try to have a good attitude, and I think it's something that all my coaches in life have really appreciated.

We had individual player meetings with the coaches today, and I think mine went really well. The coaches asked me what I think I need to work on. I told them I need to work on my footwork and quickness, being more physical, using my stick better, and being less hesitant with the puck. They agreed with me and said I pretty much hit the nail on the head. I know I have a lot to work on, but the important thing is that I'm working on the things I need to. A lot of kids think they don't need to work on much, or they just don't put in the work they need to because they don't want to. I think I've made it clear with my attitude and work ethic that I want to be here, and, above all, I want to get better. I know the coaches recognize that. They told me that it's been a pleasure to have me around, and they really appreciate the attitude that I bring to the rink every day. Having said that, I need to keep my work ethic up and not be content with just being here. I have a lot of work left to do, and I don't want to be satisfied. Coach told me it's harder to play as a number 4, 5, or 6 defenseman than it is to play as a 1, 2, or 3 guy. And I've felt that too. The 1, 2, and 3 guys get a lot more leeway, whereas I'm fighting to be in the lineup every night. It's part of the deal. I have to work to move up the ladder and gain confidence in myself and gain the coaches' confidence. I have to come to practice ready to compete every day.

I know I'm getting better at the mental part of all this too. At the beginning of practice today, we were doing a drill and I made two bad passes in a row. I handled the puck, and just for an instant, I pictured myself screwing up the pass. It's weird how it actually happened after I thought about it happening. But that's the way the mind works. I made this sort of halfhearted attempt at a pass two times in a row, and I knew I screwed up. Coach blew the whistle and said, "Teddy, what are you doing?? That's an 8 foot pass! Handle the puck, and pass it like a man!!" I was determined not to screw up for a third time in a row, in front of the whole team, and I pictured myself connecting the pass. I handled the puck, and put it right on the tape of my teammate. It's a little battle that I won with my mind, but it definitely shows that I'm getting stronger where I might have cracked a few months ago, and I think Coach likes to see that sort of thing. The same thing happened a week or two ago. The puck came to me at the point in practice, and I should've shot it on net. Instead, I passed it over to my D-partner who was covered. Coach blew the whistle and said, "Why wouldn't you shoot it when he's covered??" The next time I got the puck on the point in that drill, I put my head down and fired the puck. It went in. It's all about having a good attitude.

A Few Days to Forget

We had a 17 hour bus ride from Fresno back to Rio Rancho. It was a fun bus ride, but it's tough being cooped up in a moving vehicle that long, with not much space to operate. Needless to say, I was very happy when I got off that bus. I think the whole trip kind of threw my body for a whirl. I have a lingering headache, and I'm pretty tired. But I've battled through it in these last few days of practice. On Monday, we had a practice where we did mostly hitting drills. They were tough drills, but definitely things we needed to work on, judging from the weekend. As a team, we didn't do a very good job of finishing our checks in our games against Fresno. As a team, we didn't come to practice on Monday ready to practice, either. We all looked bad, and it was really a waste of a practice. And that's no one's fault but ours. We need to come to practice ready to play every day. Coach wasn't too happy with our effort, and we paid for it today. We had an hour long bag skate. It was tough, but I think it was necessary to get ourselves back on track. We have important games coming up, and we can't be wasting days of practice.

With that said, it's time to put these two days of practice behind us and get ready for our games this weekend. With Christmas break coming up, I think it's easy to get distracted, but these 4 games we have left before break are really important, and they're against top teams in our division. I'm going to stay focused, keep working hard, and do what I can to improve these next few weeks.

Glad to Be Back

The trip to Fresno was fun, but long. And we came out of the weekend with only one point...I played pretty well, but I know I can play better, and I think I need to play better. And I think the team needs to play better. We had one good weekend, and then for some reason the switch flipped back to our losing ways. To be honest, the game on Saturday night was very sloppy, and I'm sort of glad I wasn't playing. But, still, I wanted to be out there. I think I could've helped. I was told that I didn't play because the series was going to be physical, and Coach went with someone he knows can fight. That's the way it goes. I've heard it before, but it's good to reiterate to myself. Juniors is a mind game. It really weeds out the players who don't truly love the sport. I need to stay patient and just focus on getting better every day. I think I'm doing fine, and I will get more comfortable with the speed of play every day. It's stressful not playing--no one likes it--but that's junior hockey. For now, I'm glad to be off the bus I was just on for 17 hours straight on the way back from Fresno, and I'm ready to get back to work this week.

I didn't get to play tonight, but my night was made a lot better by getting to see my brother. He drove from San Luis Obispo to see me play, but I ended up getting scratched. Of course I was a little bummed but seeing my brother made me really excited and he seemed happy just watching hockey even though I wasn't playing. We lost 6 to 1 tonight and honestly got outplayed. It was a tough loss, but I think the highlight of my trip was definitely seeing my brother. I haven't seen him in a few months and it was just refreshing to see him. I think I could've helped the team tonight but I didn't get a chance and that's just part of the deal of playing juniors. Now it's back to work and back to trying to prove myself as a good defenseman on this team.

Trip to Fresno

I think the first thing I thought when I pulled into Fresno was, "This doesn't feel like California." It really doesn't. It's not exactly a glamorous California city. But it's been a fun trip so far with the team, and I'm excited to see how the game tonight turns out. We lost 4-3 in overtime last night. It was too bad because I really think we could've beat that team, and we fought back into the game, but they still managed to beat us. We were down 3-1 heading into the third period, we came back to tie it up, our goalie stopped a penalty shot with a minute left, then they scored about 2 minutes into overtime. But I played. And that's what I'm excited about.

I wasn't going to be in the lineup, but one of our defensemen was sick, so I got put into the lineup last minute. Coach had told me he was going with another player who he knows to be a fighter because he thought this series was going to be really physical. I was pretty bummed right away. I'm excited I got to play, though, and I think I stepped in and did a pretty good job. I made some good first passes, even when I was pressured, I was +1 on the night, and I got a lot of ice time in the first and second periods. I still have yet to get going offensively, but I think that will come in time. Right now, I'm focusing on just playing solid hockey games. However, I do think I needed to compete harder last night. I'm trying to win a spot, and I really didn't do anything special last night. I understand it's not my role to score goals; I'm here to do the little things, make smart passes, and get the puck up the ice, but I did make some small mistakes last night that could've been costly. In my defense, it was a little hard for me to get into a rhythm because it seemed every time it was my turn to go on the ice, we took a penalty or drew a penalty, and I haven't been getting much penalty kill time, and no power play time. But, again, I think that will come in time as I keep getting more confident and proving myself to the coaches. I played well, but I definitely still think I can play better!

I'm excited for our game tonight, though! And then it's back to New Mexico.