As you can imagine, I had a pretty crazy weekend. It was a long haul to get to Albuquerque, but it was great to see a little bit of the city. And my mom and I got to see 1 period of the game on Saturday night and the whole game tonight. Can't wait to get started, but for now I'm gonna get some well needed sleep.

Just a minor delay in southwestern North Dakota! 30 dollar speeding ticket, but now i'm ready to drive through the black hills!

Just me, the open road, and the new T Swift album. It's gonna be a good 18 hour drive!

I'm pulling outta Bismarck now, and I have two things on my mind: you make your own luck and holy shit! Excuse my language. But this is a wild ride, and I think the best is yet to come!

Ready for a Change

I can't really believe all that's happened to me in the past day. I'm a little flustered at the moment, as you can probably tell from my writing. Yesterday, I got a call from my advisor asking if I wanted to go play for the New Mexico Mustangs, also in the NAHL. I said, "Yeah I think I would love that!" Plus, it's a lot closer to home for me, and I think my family would enjoy coming to see more games...Then, the coach at New Mexico called me and talked to me. He said they're interested in having me down there because they need defensemen, and they're willing to give me a chance. I got really excited! I'm getting a fresh start. I get to go down to New Mexico and prove myself, and actually get to play. I went in to talk to my coach in Bismarck about the whole situation I'm in. I told him I'm getting an opportunity to play and that the most important thing for me right now is that I play. I said I wanted to leave and go to New Mexico because I didn't see myself playing here anytime soon. He said, "I think this is the right choice for you. I think you need to play and be in game situations. I wish everyone worked as hard as you. I can see you improve every day, and I can tell you're going to be a late bloomer. If things don't work out down there, you're always welcome back; don't give up on your dream because with your size, your grades, work ethic, and character, there will be plenty of doors that open up for you." I think I went about this in the right way. I was very patient and hard working here in Bismarck, and things just didn't work out in my favor. No hard feelings, but now I get a fresh start, and I have some motivation to prove people wrong because I know I can play in this league. My plan is to leave Bismarck today and make my way down south...Goodbye Bismarck, hello New Mexico!

Wow! Things change fast!

Learning A Lot About Myself

Even though I'm not technically going to school--aside from an online sociology course--I'm learning some valuable lessons throughout this process that I will be able to draw from for the rest of my life. I'm going through a unique experience, one that I will never forget. Hopefully, writing about it will help me remember even more than I would normally. I understand that playing junior hockey can be a trap for some kids. Some kids will take advantage of their time away from school and just shut down their brains, becoming lazy and unmotivated to do anything but play hockey and come home to the couch to play video games before the next practice. My parents and I were wary of this fact when I was deciding whether or not I would go down the road I'm on now; I was pretty much 100% convinced that I didn't want to play junior hockey when I was going into my senior year of high school. It's amazing how some things change and how quickly they change.

But I'm not "most kids." I'm trying to learn as much as I can from everything I do, see, and hear while I'm here, playing junior hockey, like I never thought I would. That's just the way I am. When I decide to do something that I know will influence the rest of my life, I decide to do it wholeheartedly. I don't think there's any other way to make those life-changing decisions, or else you're selling yourself short. I truly believe that in the past 8 months I've been putting everything I have into following my dream, and I've also been trying to take away all the valuable lessons I can from interacting with different people, seeing how other people approach the same daily grind I'm going through, and by pushing myself to the edge of my comfort zone, in the weight room and on the ice.

I'm different than most kids. I'm extremely self-driven, and I often think about unimportant things way too much, putting a little too much pressure on myself to be perfect. Looking back, my first few weeks of exposure to junior hockey were not very fun. I've gone through a little bit of a culture shock since arriving in Bismarck. But I'm turning into a hockey player. And I'm learning a lot even though--gasp!--I'm not going to school!?! I'm so happy that I decided to give my dream a chance. I know I will reach my goals if I stay true to myself and keep working hard like I have been so far. Because that's just the way I am. When I put my mind to something, I make it happen.

Off to a Good Start

I've had a good two days of practice so far. I'm excited about how much I'm improving, and I think I've been competing really hard in battle drills and done well in skill drills. Today, I was mad in practice; I think it's a good thing for me to get mad sometimes. My coach singled some people out for working hard and never complaining, and he didn't mention me. That hurt my pride, and it just made me mad to be honest. I started throwing bodies around, like I know I can with my size, but when I get mad, I throw my body around a little more than usual. I don't know if it was a ploy to see what happens when I get mad, or if he actually thinks that I don't work hard and that I complain too much. Nevertheless, I didn't like it, and I'm going to let my anger feed over into my play the rest of this week.

Ready For a Good Week

I think my emotions kind of hit a tipping point on Saturday night. I was just feeling really down on myself, thinking I was never going to get to play, thinking that my dream of playing Division I hockey was really out of my reach if I couldn't even play in the NAHL. But I had time to regroup today, and I'm feeling a lot better, a lot more positive. I'm ready to have a good week of practice. I know I'm close to playing, but I also know that I want to be absolutely ready when my chance comes. I really do think things will work out for me here in Bismarck. And I really do think I can play Division I, but I need to worry about playing here first. It's good to always have that goal of playing Division I in mind, but it's also good to have reasonable, accomplishable goals that I can reach in the near future in mind to be fair to myself. I don't want to get ahead of myself because that could be dangerous.

Today, I hung out with Nick again, the 8 year old I've been spending time with on Sundays. I think he's a really fun kid, and I think he really likes to spend time with a Bobcat. It's definitely a mental break for me too. It's good to get back to the days of playing cops and robbers, Star Wars, and just having that carefree, imaginative attitude that an 8 year old has. I'm having a lot of fun with him. Now, it's back to work this week, though. It seems like it'll be next weekend before I know it, so I can't take a day off on the ice this week. I want to be more consistent and just have a good, solid week of practice.

Feeling Down, But I Shouldn't

It's really hard to stay positive right now. This is the hardest thing I've ever done mentally. I've never had to constantly question myself. Am I good enough? Do I want to be here? Why am I not playing? Should I be playing? Why are some other people playing in front of me? What is Coach's plan for me? When will I play? Will I play? There are so many unknowns that are breaking me down mentally.

But then I look at the positives. I'm being given a chance right now. If it was up to my abilities alone, I probably wouldn't have made this team. I played 4 years of high school hockey, where I was the best one on the ice every night. I have never experienced the game at this level, and I'm hanging in there and improving every day. I think I'm ready. I think I deserve a shot here soon because I've been working so hard and improving so much, but if I don't get one here, I won't let it get me down. I have more things going for me than just hockey, unlike a lot of kids who are going through the same process as I am. I am a good student, a good person, a strong athlete, and I have so many people who believe in me. At the end of the day, if I don't get a chance here, I think there will be other teams that would love to have me around. I'm sick of all the politics. I want to play. And I know my best days are still coming.

Tough Stretch for the Team

We've lost 3 games in a row, and I think some changes might be coming. I always hope one of the changes is seeing my name in the lineup, but I don't know if that'll happen, at least this weekend. Tonight we lost 2-1 to the Coulee Region Chill. It's so frustrating to watch games from the stands; I find myself almost rooting against our team when I'm not playing. I think it's natural that I want people to make mistakes because I want to play, I want to be on the bench and in the locker room with the team. It's probably a bad thing to be cheering against my own team from the stands, especially since we've heard a lot lately about how team success brings about individual success, but I can't help it. Of course I feel like I can play better than some of our defensemen are playing, but I won't know until I actually get into some game situations. I want to be 100% ready when my chance comes. I feel like I'm ready now, but maybe Coach is holding me back for a reason. Maybe he wants me to improve a little bit more before he puts me out there. I don't know. I will talk to him next week about what his plans for me are. But for now I'm going to bed. We have to win tomorrow or we'll be bag skating for sure next week..

I just found out I'm not playing tonight. I'm a little bummed, but I'll get over it. I know I'm getting close. Gotta stay patient.

Team Dinner at Space Aliens

I didn't have a very good day on the ice. We did mostly penalty kill and power play work, and I was on the penalty kill. I got scored on quite a bit, but I will work on it. I need to read the play better and just get my stick into passing lanes. After practice, I went to Healthways, our off-ice training center, and did an agility workout with the trainer there. He has us on this new eating plan where we have to eat 6 small meals a day and write down everything we eat. Not a big deal for me because I'm constantly eating, but it will be interesting to be able to see everything I eat in a week. Coach told us after practice that it is not acceptable that we get outworked this weekend, like we did in Aberdeen last weekend. We need to be a much harder working team and start creating an identity for ourselves.

Tonight, we had a team dinner at Space Aliens, a restaurant chain that started here in Bismarck. It's a pretty wild place with wacky space paintings and decorations all over. The food is OK. We had a nice team gathering, though, and it was paid for by our owner, which was nice. After dinner, our owner talked to us about his expectations for us this season. Expectations are high as the Bobcats are defending national champs. He stressed that we are not national champs, last year's team gets that recognition, although he does think we have the potential and talent to become national champs again if we work hard and play gritty Bobcat hockey. He talked about the importance of having a very supportive community like Bismarck behind us, and he talked about our first-class off ice program that we have available at Healthways. He told us that the Bobcats provide the means for you to succeed, but they don't hand a Division I scholarship to anyone. The work has to be done by the players, and anyone who doesn't work hard or show the coaches that they want to be a Bobcat, will probably be gone sooner than later. It was an interesting talk, there were good things said that I think the team needed to hear. I know I've shown that I'm willing to work hard and that I have a lot of potential, but potential really isn't anything. I just need to keep working hard and making an impression and I think my time will come.

Time Flying

These days go by so fast! We have a big weekend coming up, with two games against the first place Coulee Region Chill. I think I've had a really good week of practice, and I'm hoping I get to play this weekend in at least one of the games, but I'm not getting my hopes up too much. I don't play very well when I'm really excited, and I don't play very well when I'm really nervous. I have to figure out how to keep my emotions balanced and just play my game if my chance comes.

I think I've finally gotten used to playing at this speed, though, at least in practice. I can't say that I have in games because I've only played in one game. But, finally, I feel like I can make good passes and keep up with the other guys in drills. I think this is partly a confidence thing. I know I can still get faster feet and get better at handling the puck and just improve on a lot of things in general. I'm getting a lot better though, a lot more confident. And I know I can play at this level. It seemed like it took forever because I'm just really hard on myself even when I make a mistake in practice. I've definitely improved my mental game since coming here, though. With that said, I knew coming in that I had a lot of work to do and a lot of catching up to do, and I'm really proud of myself for how I've handled everything the past few weeks. I've been at the gym and on the ice basically every day. I kind of have a reputation now for being the first one on the ice and the last one off every day. And I don't think I'm the only one who has seen a huge improvement in myself. But I can't let up because I still have a long way to go to reach my goals.

Kind of a Bad Day

I guess everyone has bad days on the ice, but I think mine was because I tired myself out before practice. I was out on the ice 45 minutes early, which might be a little too early. I played well at the beginning of practice, and then when we started playing 4-on-4 full ice, I played bad. I just wasn't seeing the ice very well, some of the goals were my fault, and I got completely laid out once. My head sort of hurts now from the hit. Coach had to play goalie in practice with us today because, surprisingly, our back up goalie decided he would rather play Division 3 hockey and go to school close to home in Minnesota. He left on Saturday morning. His decision to go home really caught Coach (and everyone) off guard; he told us before practice that if anyone is unhappy about being here, they should go talk to him. He doesn't want any more bombs dropped on him. And then I heard after workout today that one kid who is in the same position I am--where he has to work his way onto the roster--decided he wants to go to another team. He's headed to play for New Mexico on Wednesday.

I think I'm really close to breaking through onto the roster. I'm feeling like I will get rewarded for my hard work and dedication throughout this whole process. There are only a few kids who have not yet played a game, and after practice Coach said, "There are some kids who have stuck with me for a month and a half of Hell, and they haven't even played one game yet. Their chance is coming." I think I have been the hardest working player on and off the ice because I've been driven by my desire to play. I'll definitely keep working hard, but I think my chance will come around sooner than later. One thing that separates me from others is that when things get hard or don't go my way, I only work harder to make them go my way. I've persevered through this month and a half even though I haven't been playing, and I've made it clear that I'm willing to work hard to earn a spot.

Big Bro

Today, I was a big brother for the afternoon. I met up with a young boy that my billet mom knows. I played basketball with him for about an hour and a half at the YMCA in Bismarck. It was really fun, and he was full of energy. He's a big Bobcat fan; he plays hockey and wants to be a goalie. It was relaxing to take my focus off of myself for a day. I was focused on him having fun instead of worrying about myself. I definitely want to meet him again because it helped me relieve my stress, and I think he really enjoyed getting to spend a day with a Bobcat. But it's back to work again tomorrow. I'm ready to have a really good week of practice and try to earn a spot on the roster for these upcoming games against the Coulee Region Chill.

Find a Happy Place

I had a lot of time to think yesterday after the game. We lost 4-3 in Aberdeen, and we weren't allowed to talk at all on the 3 hour bus ride home. I was bummed about not playing, but I think I will get a chance soon. Sometimes, I start to have some self doubt, and it's hard to get rid of it. But last night I got some texts from friends at the first home game of the year at DU. It got me really excited. I know the Sunderlands might not like this because they're die-hard North Dakota fans, but when I picture myself in a DU or Colorado College uniform, I get really happy and excited about playing Division I college hockey. I really think I can, and it helps it become more of a reality when I envision myself playing in a DU uniform. Jack, I'm sorry, I will take the knife out of your back when I come home at Christmas, but it's always been my dream. I have a long road left to go before playing Division I--I haven't even really played one game in the NAHL yet--but I know I can, and picturing myself playing there only helps raise my confidence when I'm doubting myself.

Heading out to Aberdeen, South Dakota right now to play the Wings tonight. I'm not playing again but i'm staying positive. This is the first post I've sent from my phone so I don't know how it'll look online...

The Mental Edge

I'm realizing how important the mental side of the game is. Yesterday, I didn't think I played very well because I wasn't confident mentally. I played scared, and I even felt like I was a little threatened by this new defenseman from Bismarck showing up. Today, I went out on the ice early and put my mind in the right place. When I tell myself I'm a good player over and over in my mind, I can tell a difference in how I play. When I go out there and worry about not being good enough, I'm not good enough. It's really a pretty straightforward concept, but I seem to have trouble believing in myself sometimes. I have to figure out how to stay strong mentally all the time. Worrying only about the things I can control will help me, but it's going to be a little hard to train my mind like that because I've been a worrier for a long time. I've started reading a few books that help with the mental side of performing higher. One of them is called The Fearless Mind by Craig Manning, and I really like it so far. It says in the first chapter, "If we truly follow what we love and not what we like, what is safe and easy, or what someone else wants us to do, we will have more passion and energy; we will achieve higher levels of performance; and we will find greater joy. This passion will spill over onto those with whom we come in contact--our families, friends, and coworkers. I truly believe that if we have the fearlessness to follow our hearts, there is not much we cannot do. Those who don't follow their hearts never find true happiness, for happiness cannot be given; we must find it for ourselves." I know that I'm following my heart for a reason, and I have to remember this when I have a moment where I don't believe in myself.

Just a Little Update

We had our first real practice since the weekend today. I wouldn't count the bag skate on Monday as a practice... To be honest, I didn't play very well; I was a little off with my passing and fell pretty hard once when I caught an edge. It was a little funny. But I'm realizing that it's going to be hard to improve without playing in games. It's tough to make passes at game speed when I have yet to experience a full game, and add on the fact that the whole rest of the team came back from this weekend with 3 recent games under their belt. It's a timing thing, and after this weekend, where I didn't really make any passes to anyone because I was on the ice with only one other player, it's just hard to jump right back in to a practice when everyone else is in game shape. I didn't do terribly, but I'm being hard on myself because I'm anxious to get out on the ice during a game. I think I'm ready, and I can't wait for my chance.

After practice, I went into Coach's office to check in on how I'm doing. I told him I think I've improved a lot, and he agreed with me. He said he's noticed how hard I've been working, going out on the ice early and going to the gym on off days. He told me he wants to try to get me playing in the next few weeks if he can get the roster worked out, but he wants me to bear with him as he tries to work out some kinks. If he can't get me playing in the next two weeks, he told me that he wants to trade me somewhere I can play. Here are my thoughts on the situation: There are 3 young defensemen playing in front of me, '92 and '93 birth years, and another player from Bismarck, a defenseman who played in the USHL last year but got injured over the summer, will be on the roster soon. If he's made commitments to these players, and I'm going to be the odd one out all year, this is not somewhere I want to be. I want to play, and I need to play to improve and get looks from colleges. I don't want to fill water bottles all year, especially when there are younger players playing in front of me. But, if Coach gives me a chance to play, I want to stay here. I'm very comfortable living at my billet house, and I really like all the guys. I know I can play here, but if I don't get the chance, then I don't get the chance, and I will want to get a chance somewhere else. I'm going to keep talking to Coach often and stay updated on what's going on, but, personally, I think it'd be a mistake for him to let me go. I've improved in just a few short weeks, I've shown I am willing to work and work really hard, I have the talent to play at this level, and I'm 6'4", 220 pounds when some kids playing in front of me are barely 170 pounds. I know size doesn't really matter, but not to toot my own horn, I'm the perfect size for a defenseman... OK, I'll stop ranting now, but I'm excited I might get a shot soon, and just a little stressed about not playing.

2,000 Pageviews!!

Just hit 2,000 pageviews all-time on the blog. Keep 'em comin.

223?!?

On a good day back in March, I weighed 197 pounds. I just weighed in after dinner tonight, and I weighed 223 pounds, the heaviest I've ever been. My body's been changing a lot over the past few months with how much I've been lifting, and I can definitely tell a difference on the ice. I'm a much better skater now that I've started lifting this much, and I can tell I'm much stronger on my skates. I'm excited to see what happens on the ice as I keep working hard off the ice over the next few months.

A Fun Night

We had our rookie dinner last night at Red Lobster. All the rookies were dressed up, mostly as girls. We got together at one of the vets' house and took some pictures before we went out to dinner. The looks we got when we first walked in to Red Lobster were pretty funny, and I could hear some people murmuring when we walked by. My costume didn't win, but it was still fun to be there with everyone. The bill ended up being 800 dollars, and the rookies didn't even get to order food. So the vets went pretty wild with everything they ordered. It wasn't bad, though, since there are 15 rookies. We all split the bill and only had to pay 60 dollars each. The bill was 23 dollars less than last year...I was expecting the worst all dinner because it seemed like the vets were constantly ordering food and drinks.

Today, we have a day off. I think I deserve a nice day off, mentally and physically, so I didn't go into the rink to skate today. And Sam said I shouldn't go anyways because Coach told us he didn't want to see anyone around the rink today. I still am going to go and work out, but I'm going to stay off the ice today.

Rookie Dinner Tonight

This morning we had to bag skate for an hour. I was close to puking out on the ice for the first time ever. We had to skate because some of the high school kids have gotten in trouble for being late to school. It might've been the hardest skate I've ever had. We had to skate holding tires over our heads for most of the time. Coach stressed the importance of learning to be on time for everything, and said that this skate was something we had to do together to learn a lesson. Afterwards I went to the gym again. We have the day off tomorrow because the kids who played this weekend deserve a good rest. I might try to go into the rink and skate for a while even though Coach said he doesn't want to see anyone there tomorrow.

Tonight we have our rookie dinner at Red Lobster, where the rookies dress up and buy dinner for all the vets. The vets like to go all out and eat a little extravagantly, to say the least. I have to dress up in a bumblebee leotard...Imagine me, a 220 pound, 6'4" kid, in a bumblebee leotard at Red Lobster. Would you be able to eat? It might be a little too disturbing. Anyway, it should be a fun night with everyone together, and the best dressed rookie doesn't have to pay, so I'm hoping my bumblebee leotard does the trick. I'm not looking forward to the bill after the dinner, though...

Back to Love

Our team chaplain is full of great advice. He knows that this whole process is very stressful on a lot of players, and that's his job: to help take the stress off of us. He says, "When you get stressed, come back to the fact that you love this sport." A lot of times, love is the only thing that can help take stress away. And I love hockey. So I'm going to get back on the horse, put this disappointing weekend behind me, and keep working hard. I know good things are coming my way if I keep working hard, but I need to find a way to think positively because I play a lot better when I'm stress free. The guys come back into town tonight after a 2-1 weekend, and I can't wait to get on the ice tomorrow.

Blog Coming Together

I must admit that I'm really happy with how this blog is coming together...It's like my little sanctuary. I spend almost as much time on this as I do on my facebook. And that's a lot of time... It's almost like Tom Riddle's diary in Harry Potter...I post my entries, and people come back with helpful support! I hope it doesn't turn against me like in Harry Potter... But in all seriousness, the support I get from people really helps, and this blog helps me realize how many people care about what I'm doing and how I'm doing. I don't mean to be a Negative Nancy all the time, but this process is pretty stressful sometimes, and it always helps to hear some positive encouragement from friends and family. And sorry about my Harry Potter references...I read all 7 books again this summer and had to throw that in there.

Losing This Mental Battle

It's pretty hard to stay positive right now. I'm working so hard, but my mind is starting to have negative thoughts creep in. Sitting here in Bismarck while the rest of the team is on the road is so frustrating. Negative thoughts start to accumulate and get worse and worse once I let one bad one in. I'm the kind of kid who really doesn't like to show that I'm unhappy or upset about something, I sort of just try to let myself take care of it and make things better. I don't like to tell people or talk to people about it because that's the way I am. I've always been like that. (Haha, I guess this blog changes that because now I'm making my emotions public...) But I don't even feel like a Bobcat.

I want to get out on the ice and change that. And I want to know what I need to do to change that. I've been making strides here in the last few weeks, gaining confidence. Then, I get told to stay in Bismarck while the team goes on this road trip... There are just so many mental ups and downs that are hard to get through in this process. I'm learning a lot about myself. But this isn't high school hockey anymore. No one's going to baby me through this, hold my hand and tell me straight up, "You know, we think you're a really great player, and we think you're going to be our best defenseman." I have to figure out how to push out the negatives and focus on my goals. I need to keep getting better, keep working as hard as I have been, and not let these mental hiccups get me down because I know there will be a lot more as the season progresses.

Just Some Thoughts...

I'm a little disgruntled with being the #8 defenseman on the team, to say the least. I'm an ultra-competitive person, and I like to be the best at everything I do. When I'm not the best, it really bothers me, and I work hard to become the best if it really matters to me. I've become sort of obsessed with getting better lately. I've been on the ice and at the gym every day this week and last week. I don't like being looked at like I'm just a practice guy or feeling like people are looking at me differently because I'm just a practice guy, I don't like being just the water bottle guy or the stat guy, and I don't like being the guy left behind on road trips. I want to be the guy. I want to be the best defenseman on the team. And I think I can be. I have all the tools to get me there, plus the intangibles that not a lot of guys have. It's a good thing that I'm unhappy with my situation right now because that's what's driving me to get better. I don't want to get complacent or lazy or even let the fact that I'm not OK with not playing show. I'm just going to keep doing things the way I have been because I think, eventually, my hard work and positive attitude will pay off.

A lot of the books I've been reading have highlighted the importance of setting goals for yourself. I want to be playing by November. If I keep working as hard as I have been and pushing myself to get better every day, I don't think I'll have a problem with achieving that goal. I just have to stay positive and stay ahead on the mental battle.

Bummer

Well, I just found out I won't be going on the trip this weekend. Kind of a bummer, but I have to go with it and find the positives in it. I think the owner is trying to cut down on expenses, so the team is only taking 23 players. It's hard to have to deal with this because I don't even feel like a part of the team. They will be gone for 4 days, and I'll be in Bismarck with a few other kids. But I think I will get to skate and work out, so at least I won't be sitting around, doing nothing. I have to stay positive and keep working hard to crack the roster here in the next few weeks. When the team gets back, I'm going to go in and talk to Coach and find out more about how I'm doing and what else I need to be doing to play.

3 Game Weekend

This weekend, we are playing Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. We play in Austin, Minnesota Friday and Saturday. And then we head to Owatonna, Minnesota for a game on Sunday. We haven't seen either of these teams yet, so it should be an exciting weekend and a big test for our team. We're leaving at 7 AM tomorrow. I don't know whether I'll play or not, but I'm still being patient and just trying to soak in as much as I can before I get my chance. I've learned a lot from just watching these games, and I'll stay positive even if I don't get called upon this weekend.

Finding a Rhythm

Today, I showed up at the rink ready to work, just like always. I stickhandled, then went on the ice at about 9. I actually like being out on the ice all alone. It's a cool feeling when I'm out there by myself. It feels like there are thousands of people watching in the empty seats, but really no one's watching, and I can just do work. I push myself in the drills I do by myself, but I don't tire myself out because there is a full length practice afterwards. But I get a sweat going, warm my hands up, and warm my mind up. I've started to get into a rhythm, and I think going out on the ice early really gets me ready to practice and practice well. I think people respect how hard I'm working. They see me get better every day, and I think it makes them want to work hard with me. It feels really good to work hard and feel results, but it also feels good to have other people notice how hard I work and see a difference. I had another solid practice today. I'm getting so much better it's scary. Not only am I getting better physically, but I'm also getting stronger mentally. I really believe I can play Division I hockey, and I'm not worried about every little mistake I make anymore. Before I was worried about what people would think of me as a person because of the mistakes I made on the ice. It was silly, but the way I am, I just think about little things like that. And as hard as it is to talk to friends in college and hear what they're going through, I know I chose this path, and I know this is what I want to be doing. I mean, I get to play hockey 3 hours a day!

After practice, Coach skated us for 15 or 20 minutes because we were very undisciplined and took 23 penalties in 2 games this weekend. I've bagged more times here in a month than I think I ever have. But, like I said, working hard is fun. One of the guys said today during the stretch after the skate, "It's gonna be a long nap today. Probably 3, 4 hours..." I kind of thought to myself, "Eh, that'd be nice; I should do that." Then, I decided I wanted to go work hard some more instead, so I went and worked out. I also went to the office after practice and talked to Coach Gill because Coach Sedevie wasn't there. I asked him how he thinks I'm doing, and he smiled like he thought I already knew the answer. He said, "Good. Just keep doing what you're doing. We're noticing."

Things Already Getting Better

I'm really starting to get better. It's pretty cool when I can tell myself that I've gotten better even just in the last week. A few kids on the team have told me how much better they think I've gotten already, and this is just helping me get more confident. One of the vets came up to me after our scrimmage today and said, "Connor, you were just a point machine out there today." I've been the hardest worker on the team, and it's showing, and I think the coaches are noticing. I go to the rink at 8:30 every day and stick handle for 15 minutes, then I go on the ice as early as I can, usually around 9:10 or 9:15, and work on drills by myself. At 9:45 practice starts and we go until about 11:30 or 12 every day. And then I stay on the ice for about a half hour afterwards, sometimes longer. Then, I go to the weight room, even when we don't have our normal workouts, which are on Monday and Wednesday. I told one of the vets I weigh 219 pounds now, and he was shocked. He said, "You know what you should do? Go to the weight room every day after practice. It will be unreal what happens to you if you start working out hard every day, especially with how much you eat." And yes, I've already made a reputation for myself here in North Dakota with eating, just like I did in Colorado. I'm really excited about how much progress I've made, though. And I think people are pretty amazed at the difference they've seen in me too. It's only been a month. There is still a long time to go this season, and I know I will just continue to get better.

On another note, I saw "The Social Network" last night and saw that Mark Zuckerberg, the inventor of facebook, blogged when he was in college, inventing facebook. Now he's a billionaire, the youngest in the world. I'm blogging too, and who knows...maybe I'll end up a billionaire too. Haha let's hope so! Somehow, I have to get over a million people following my blog as fervently as people in the world use facebook... Let's see, I think I'm at 18 followers now. Long way to go. But I do think it's pretty cool that I'm blogging about my experience because it'll be really awesome to look back on this and see how far I've come. I really recommend seeing "The Social Network," too. It's a fascinating and inspiring story.